HI it’s Luke here – again!
As some of you may be aware, it should be big Eorl’s turn for the column this week.
But I’ve used my weight to muscle in and take his spot. He wasn’t prepared to argue!
I suppose I better explain the reason.
I said when we started doing this column that I’d been handed a golden opportunity to get my own back if I felt I‘d been picked on. That time has now arrived.
It all stemmed from an incident the other week when I was well and truly stitched up and have ended up with the Helmet award this week as a result.
I’ve got it for being boring and wanting to talk about nothing but rugby league on a social night out. It was a rumour started by Lee Gilmour in order to have a laugh at my expense.
I can understand Gilly taking this sort of action, because he’s been a regular ‘guest’ in this column and is always keen to try and get his own back.
But I’m really disappointed the likes of Michael Lawrence and Jermaine McGillvary jumped on the bandwagon and sided with Gilly and his vindictive lie. It was down to the them that I ended up taking the Helmet tee-shirt under false pretences.
If the award had been fully deserved, I’d have readily accepted it. On this occasion, that wasn’t the case.
So, now it’s time for me to tell you a few home truths about Bruno and Jez.
Bruno was happy to go along with the ‘lie’, because he’d have got the Helmet award this week instead.
That was in the wake of a social event the other week, when Keith Mason arranged for us to have champagne waiting for us when we arrived. Keith wasn’t attending, so it was good of him to sort this out.
Bruno assumed Keith had also paid for the champagne – which in itself was an unbelievable assumption, especially when it’s Keith we’re talking about! – and wasted little time popping a cork and getting his share ahead of the other vultures.
It was then Bruno was told we’d have to pay for it, so very hurriedly he tried to pour the champagne back into the bottle, put the cork back in and hope nobody would notice. An impossible task, not that Bruno knew at the time, of course.
It was a really desperate attempt to get out of paying and was a pure Helmet moment – and that’s why Bruno was happy to go along with the Gilly lie.
But what can you expect from someone who’s looking more like Trevor McDonald every day!
There’s a running joke about Bruno and his short hair, which he keeps deliberately short, because we’re all convinced he’s getting grey hairs – hence the reference to famous newsreader Mr McDonald.
And we also keep asking Bruno to see his birth certificate, because we feel he’s the next Stanley Gene and is a lot older than he actually is. He doesn’t like that at all!
In fact, he likes it just as much as Jerry enjoys spending money – not at all!
As you know, we’ve got some very tight players at the club, but no-one compares to Jez.
He boasts how he lives on £150 a month so he can pay off his mortgage in six years.
And he’s restricting himself to that sum, even though he has a partner and youngster to support.
When we’re attending functions, there’s usually food put on for us, and you can guarantee Jez will by sneaking a doggy bag out with him to give to young Issac.
He’s got no shame in doing this at all.
But as long as Jez is happy, fair play to him – and when he keeps scoring the tries for us, we can all put up with his strange little ways.