Cocktails are cool.

Sep 25 2005 By Dan Hobson, The Huddersfield Daily Examiner

Dan Hobson finds his spirits rising!

TThe Mess is a new bar on Newsome Road, right in the heart of studentville. Myself and Ellen Casey, a Shepley lass, dropped in to sample some of their cocktails, hand-shook by manager Mat.

It's a stylish place with an unusually warm and friendly atmosphere for a contemporary bar - aren't these places normally cold and indifferent? - and Mat was more than happy to line 'em up, and divulge the way to make them ...

DO try these at home ... they're the perfect way to toast the end of the summer!

We knocked `em back and awarded them a mark out of ten.

Here are our verdicts. If our words get a bit slurred by the end, don't blame us… we did this in the name of research…

VANILLA RUSSIAN

DAN: It's nice. Like a white Russian.

ELLEN: Yes, the clue's in the title I think.

DAN: Ok, ok - but it's not as thick and gloopy as a white Russian.

ELLEN: It doesn't taste like booze. It just tastes like a milkshake, which is a good thing!

DAN: Exactly - show me a man who doesn't like a milkshake and I'll show you a man who's afraid of his feminine, milk-drinking side. Of course, the last time you were drinking white Russians you spent a lot of time with your head in a toilet.

ELLEN: But this is a welcome return. I'd give it 8/10 any day.

DAN: Same here… 8/10.

VINEYARD MOJITA

ELLEN: Now this is fancy. And it looked like it was complicated to make, which scores it a few points on a superficial level.

DAN: Yep - we're expecting big things from this. Also, this cocktail is exclusive to The Mess - it isn't from any book.

ELLEN: But what does `muddle' mean?

DAN: I think that's when he crushed all the ingredients with that wooden thing. That's your `muddling' right there.

[Slurp]

DAN: It's very refreshing.

ELLEN: I like the mint. It's all very summery. And pretty.

DAN: Pretty… no need to be a girl about it. What would you give it?

ELLEN: 9/10. Definitely.

DAN: I'm going to raise you and give it a 10/10.

SEX ON THE BEACH

DAN: This is not only a cocktail, but also a terrible song if you remember?

ELLEN: Uh huh.

DAN: Well… I must admit, despite the tacky connotations, it is VERY nice.

ELLEN: Hmm. Tastes like melons.

DAN: I'm going to rush in and give it an 8/10.

ELLEN: I like it a lot, but because I liked the last one so much, I can only give it a 7/10 I'm afraid.

DAN: 7/10's nothing to sniff at, is it.

ELLEN: No. Next one please.

WEST INDIES YELLOW BIRD

ELLEN: It wins in the interesting names stakes.

DAN: What does it taste like though?

ELLEN: Well… I like it. It's not my favourite. It has a tiny bit of an artificial taste to it. I like the ones with all the fresh ingredients in.

DAN: I know what you mean. The banana liqueur's an acquired taste.

ELLEN: Maybe I just haven't acquired it then. If I was on holiday I'd give it a 9/10. In Huddersfield it gets a 6/10.

DAN: I like bananas. 7/10

KOOL AID

ELLEN: This one's all about cherries.

DAN: Is that a good thing?

ELLEN: Depends. See, it reminds me of cough medicine.

DAN: Really? It reminds me of putting a whole packet of cherry drops in your mouth and letting them melt into liquid. Not that I've ever done that - but this is what it WOULD be like.

ELLEN: The idea of your cherry-flavoured saliva is hardly endearing me to it. 6/10.

DAN: It's not ashamed to taste like cherry drops, so it touches me. 9/10.

WOO WOO

ELLEN: Oh, I know these ones.

DAN: Do you.

ELLEN: Yep. I'm no stranger to the Woo Woo.

DAN: Maybe that should be the slogan used to sell the drink… `I'm no stranger to the Woo Woo.'

ELLEN: You do know it's impossible to sound masculine saying the words `Woo Woo'.

DAN: I've got nothing to prove. Now get it down your neck. What do you think?

ELLEN: I'm getting… cranberries.

DAN: Lots of cranberries. And you're not a fan, are you?

ELLEN: Well, they just remind me of cystitis. They're not a tasty enough berry to eat any other time.

DAN: They dry you out! Drinking cranberry juice leaves you feeling like a big, dry husk.

ELLEN: To be fair though, this is as good as they've ever tasted. 8/10 I think!

DAN: I'm going to be a bit cynical here and give it a 7/10.

HAWAIIAN PUNCH

DAN: Being a consumate gentlemen, I'll let you have first taste.

ELLEN: Now, this has got something. It tastes like Christmas.

DAN: I can see that.

ELLEN: And every single thing about Christmas is good, so there's nothing negative you can say about this drink. And I love all the fruit in it.

DAN: Yes, that's the rule with cocktails. If it's got actual `stuff' in it, it's better. 10/10.

ELLEN: Well, I'm going to give it 9/10.

DAN: Surely 10 - it tastes like Christmas for God's sake!!!

ELLEN: Yes, but Christmas is also a time for contemplation. For instance, there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas time.

DAN: Ah, you nicked that from a song ...

West Indies Yellow Bird

Fill a glass with ice. Add 25ml of Havana white rum, then 12.5ml each of cacao banana (a banana liqueur) and Galliano, 50ml each of orange juice and pineapple juice, and a sqeeze of fresh lime.

Vineyard Mojita

Mix two teaspoons of brown sugar, six red grapes and 25ml of Havana seven-year-old rum. Muddle it - crush it all together - with eight or 10 fresh lime leaves. When the sugar has melted in the alcohol, add ice and top up with another 12.5ml rum plus lemonade and two squeezes of lime.

Sex on the beach

Fill the glass with ice and pour in 25ml Smirnoff vodka, 12.5ml each creme frais (strawberry liqueur) and Midori, 50ml each of cranberry juice, two of pineapple. Finish with a squeeze of lime.

Kool Aid

Fill a glass with ice and add 25ml of Midori, 12.5ml of Amaretto and a dash of grenadine then top up with cranberry juice and a squeeze of lime.

Woo Woo

Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Add 25ml Smirnoff vodka, 25ml Archers, 75ml cranberry juice then give it a good shake and a squeeze of lime.

Vanilla Russian

Fill your cocktail shaker with ice. Add 25ml of vanilla-flavour Stolichnaya, 25ml of Kahlua (coffee liqueur), and 50ml of whole milk. Fill a glass with ice, drain the shaker into it and sprinkle with chocolate powder.

Hawaiian Punch

Fill a glass with ice and add 25ml of Smirnoff vodka, 12.5ml each of Amaretto and Southern Comfort, a dash of grenadine, 50ml each of orange juice and pineapple juice, and a squeeze of lime.