WE were considering funeral music. Like you do, when you have a birthday coming up and are no longer over the hill, but rolling down the other side at what appears to be an ever increasing pace.

Younger readers, who still believe in immortality, should make the most of their youthful years, because the older you get, the faster time goes. This is a universal truth.

Time is amazing. It’s basically something man invented to give structure to life. This, you would have thought, might have made him realise that once gone, it is never retrievable. Which makes it strange that we talk about spare time (there isn’t any) or wasting time (far too precious). Some undertake hobbies to pass the time.

Wouldn’t it be nice if those with time to spare, waste or pass could leave it in a recycling bin for others to come and grab an extra few hours, here and there.

The world wide web must be the biggest time waster ever invented and there is even a site called: 40 Fantastic Time Wasting Websites. And yes, I had to have a look at it and waste another 10 minutes when I should have been thinking about funerals.

Their history goes back at least 60,000 years as a way of celebrating and remembering a life. They come in all sizes. The biggest I’ve been to was for Princess Diana. The smallest was for my Auntie Doris. She was in her 90s and had outlived everybody else so I’m sure she didn’t mind.

Music is an integral part of any funeral service. The tradition used to be for hymns but now you are as likely to have Eric Idle singing Look On The Bright Side Of Life.

The Cooperative Funeral Service even has a top 10 of the most popular songs and yes, My Way, by Frank Sinatra or Shirley Bassey, depending on whether the dear departed was male or female, is number one.

Then come Time To Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli, Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler, Over the Rainbow by Eva Cassidy, Angels by Robbie Williams, You Raise Me Up by Westlife, Boyzone or Josh Grobin, You’ll Never Walk Alone by Gerry and the Pacemakers, We’ll Meet Again by Vera Lynn, My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion and Unforgettable by Nat King Cole.

To be honest, I’d prefer something with a bit more individuality. Which is why I asked for ideas. Sadly there were few inspiring ones on offer although Charlie suggested Hello, I Must Be Going by Groucho Marx and Graham wanted the Doritos Mariachi band playing Don’t You Want Me Baby, which would liven up any occasion.

John said: “I’d have The Ring Cycle. All of it.” Wagner’s four operas last 16 hours. “They’d have to bring sandwiches,” he said.

That’s one way to be remembered.

My wife Maria said: “I’ll have If I’d Known You Were Coming I’d Have Baked A Cake at the start, followed by Halfway to Paradise with Billy Fury.”

Not me, you’ll note. Billy Fury.

And what piece of music would I choose? I haven’t had time to make up my mind.