DID you hear about the young lady whose New Year prayer for 2012 was for a fat bank account and a slim body?
This year she added: “Dear God, please don’t mix these up like you did last year.”
Yes, this is the day when thousands of people declare to change their lifestyle for the good of their health, their partner or mankind. Or, as Mark Twain said: “Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
Personally, I don’t believe in them. After all, a new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. Besides, I’m too old to change the way I live. This is me, world. Get used to it.
You have to applaud those who use the occasion as a kick start for good intentions. To stop smoking or lose weight, for instance.
Combining these aspirations, however, can have its drawbacks. Starting smoking to lose weight is never a good idea.
Anyone who is worried about their size could take comfort from the fact that it is estimated that 60% of the UK population is overweight. This means there are more overweight people than average weight people. Which means you’ve met your new year’s resolution before you’ve started: you’re the new average.
This feelgood factor can be boosted further by buying clothes a size too big and complaining they no longer fit. Problem sorted and you can turn your mind to the sweeter things of life. Like chocolate, cream cakes and Baileys with ice.
There are those, however, who could actually do with making a few resolutions. Like people who on occasions “work from home”, a concept made viable by the computer age.
Resolution one – actually do some work. Resolution two – get dressed before noon.
On reflection, there is one resolution I shall make and that is to start buying my Lottery tickets from a luckier store. This time next year, I could be a millionaire.