When it comes to computers and the internet I like to think of myself as a bit of a technocrat.
Decades ago, when typewriters were being phased out and keyboards and screens phased in at the Examiner, I was the editorial guinea pig who was given one of the first machines and told to become an expert.
Which I did very quickly. It was so much easier being able to make changes on a screen when writing a news story, rather than tussling with typed pages, carbon copies and crossed out paragraphs.
Older journalists, fearful of new technology, would stand a few paces away in case of radiation poisoning and watch in amazement.
Management actually gave guided tours to executives from other newspapers to see me turn out copy.
Speed was the key. So I welcomed the news that Virgin Media were increasing my broadband velocity to up to 200 “megabits per second”; the more megabits per second you get, the faster you are on-line. Speed again is the key.
It meant I could download a two hour film in three minutes or a musical album in three seconds. Which would be great if I actually downloaded films or albums but I don’t.
Still, it’s nice to be quicker than Usain Bolt when reading the Examiner on line.
Virgin told me I needed a new broadband box which I could fit myself or make an appointment for a technician to do it for me. Hah! No problem. I am, after all, a bit of a technocrat.
The box arrived by post, I read the instructions, removed the old equipment, connected the new, switched on and bingo! I was up and running in 15 minutes.
I celebrated by going onto e-Bay and bid on a boxed set of The Killing, that features Sophie Grabol as Detective Inspector Sarah Lund, who launched the trend for Nordic noir thrillers and heavy knit jumpers.
Two days later, I was outbid at the last moment. How galling is that? With my speed?
My dander was up and I went into a frenzy of bidding and, by mistake, bought two identical boxed sets, at £20 each.
On e-Bay, once you’ve made a bid, you can’t retract it.
This was not me making a killing on The Killing. This was, I reflected, my comeuppance for being over confident of my on-line computerised abilities and an excess of megabits per second. Too much speed is dangerous.
Technocrat? More like technoprat.