Denis Kilcommons: Can you pass the onelegged brain test?

I have trouble with wet feet and underpants.

It’s impossible to dry your feet properly when you step out of the shower which means underpants become a booby trap.

Balancing on one leg is a hassle at the best of times but trying to dip a damp foot into your clean undies is an accident waiting to happen.

Either you fall over or hop around like a demented Zebedee. There is a lot of unforgiving porcelain in a bathroom upon which to crack your head.

Imagine if you did and the blow was fatal and the coronerpassed judgement: He was killed by his underpants. I can think of more glorious epitaphs.

Which is why I now hold onto the wall with one hand while completing this manoeuvre and why I was interested in a report that said people who are unable to stand on one leg for 20 seconds may be at a greater risk of stroke or suffering from dementia.

Oo-er. ResearcherDr Yasuharu Tabara, from Kyoto University in Japan, said: “Our study found that the ability to balance on one leg is an important test for brain health.”

I retreated to the sanctity of my office, placed my Manchester United alarm clock on the desk, and put myself to the test.

And passed by standing for 20 seconds first on my left leg and then on my right. So my brain must be all right in either foot.

The Medical ResearchCouncil had more to say on the matter.

Men aged 53 who could balance on one leg for more than 10 seconds and stand up and sit down in a chair more than 37 times in a minute were found to be least at risk of dying early.

Women of the same age who could stand up and sit down more than 35 times in a minute and stand on one leg for more than 10 seconds were also in the lowest risk bracket.

I took the one legged test again, as my wife Maria walked past, busy hangingwashing over radiators.

“What are you doing?” she said.

“Standing on one leg.”

“Oh,” she said, and walked on.

The sitting and standing test proved a problem and I almost collapsed halfway through before I realised I had been attempting one sit-and-stand manoeuvre every second.

I did the 37 within the required time, although my thighs ached as if I’d been chasing Mo Farrow in the one-minute marathon.

So, the brain in both my feet appears to be healthy and my bottom will not be dying any time soon, which is good to know.

Unless I trip over my underpants.

Isn’t research wonderful?