I smiled when I read that a survey by LateDeals.co.uk found that almost 70% of travellers think planes should have child free zones.

Quite how this would be achieved, short of sending them outside to play attached to bungee harnesses, I don’t know.

Perhaps the front of the aircraft could be turned into a creche with arcade games and ball pool. Just don’t let them onto the flight deck or they could end up flying the plane.

“Let’s loop the loop, again. My mum’s just been sick three times.”

I do have a certain sympathy, especially when parents do not exercise proper control over their offspring.

Everybody has had a brat behind kicking your seat for three hours.

How do you complain when his father is 18 stone in weight, wearing a sleeveless T shirt and has just spent two hours before departure in the Wetherspoon bar? You don’t.

The last time we flew to the States I settled in my aisle seat only to have feet pummelling into my back. Time to set the ground rules at 30,000 feet, I thought. Be polite but firm and point out that the flight was nine hours long and would be more amenable without the possibility of a damaged spine at the end of it.

I swivelled and eyeballed a rather delightful 18-year-old young lady who was sitting behind me.

She smiled and I smiled and the rules were never suggested. What’s a damaged spine between friends?

Other complaints from fliers include people with body odour, drunk and rowdy passengers, babies crying and overweight passengers who bulge into your space so that a flight to Majorca can be like travelling next to a jelly that has yet to set.

Whilst contemplating air travel I read that Etihad Airways has launched a new level of luxury that tops anything first class can provide.

They now have airborne residences – four times the price of a first class air ticket – which are 125 square feet in size and styled like a hotel suite.

You get a closed off bedroom with king sized bed, sitting area and private bathroom. There is only one three-section suite available on each flight and the airline says it is: “The most luxurious living space in the air.”

It comes with the services of a personal butler.

To be honest, if I didn’t have to I wouldn’t fly anywhere ever again.

Over decades of air travel – I started with the Wright brothers – I have experienced turbulence, hard landings, children, bad food, frights, babies crying, flying backwards (seats face the rear on military flights), rowdy passengers, delays and sitting next to the occasional blancmange.

If I was really wealthy I wouldn’t even opt for a luxury suite aboard Etihad Airways, although I might buy one and send someone else so that when small talk was being exchanged around the bar about where you went on your holidays I could say: “I didn’t actually go, but my chum Kev says Abu Dhabi was quite nice.”

Golf, kite-surfing and rugby sevens will be part of the next Olympics in Brazil.

These are new sports to be added and the only good thing about them is that they kept baseball out.

Believe it or not, baseball was actually in the Olympics between 1992 and 2008.

I suspect it didn’t get much coverage on British television as it is very much a minority sport.

It’s home is in America, and it’s only played in South and Central American countries, Japan and South Korea.

America, of course, famously hold the World Series every year – between two American teams – which is how they like it.

That way, they are always world champions.

Personally, I think the Olympic list of sports could do with a good pruning.

Rugby sevens is a hybrid rather than a real sport and shouldn’t be there and women’s beach volleyball is basically a spectator sport for blokes. So I’m told.

Presumably men’s beach volleyball is a spectator sport for women.

In any case, it’s very name of “beach” volleyball gives the game away. It’s a sport only played on beaches in hot weather. If your nearest beach is Scarborough, you’re at an immediate disadvantage.

If we are going to have fringe and bizarre sports, why not beach cricket, played with kiddie-sized wickets and a tennis ball or park football, played on any stretch of grass with coats for goalposts and watch out for the dog poop?

I have had some funny offers on the internet but this week I was offered “virgin human hair”. Wholesale.

This was an email that must have slipped my safety net and came from Ada who said she represented the Guangzhou Kabeilu Trading Co Ltd of China.

Several things confused me about this message.

What is, for instance, virgin hair? Is it cut from virgins?

Ada said it came from Malaysia and Peru so did that mean there were a lot of bald young ladies in those countries still trying to find a beau?

Ada also offered “wholesale Brazilian”, even though my understanding of a Brazilian, when it comes to hair, is a bikini wax. Surely she didn’t mean ...?

I checked out the company and it actually exists in China, has outlets in the USA and sells wigs and human hair extensions with, apparently, a multi-million pound turnover.

But I somehow suspect that Ada, or those behind this mythical character who cannot spell and whose English grammar leaves a great deal to be desired, has hijacked the company name and is a scam artist.

Why else would she contact me asking if I want their products when I am a natural hairy monster?

In fact, I have so much I could sell her some.

Of course, it wouldn’t be virgin ...