We live in a bizarre world.
You only have to read the newspapers to see how silly people can be. Mind you, their antics are always good for a laugh.
Like the team of scientists in Japan who spent four months researching the perfect way to hold a burger. I kid you not.
“Put the cancer cure on hold – we need to know how to eat a burger without losing the dill pickle.”
They eventually decided the ideal method was to have thumbs and little fingers supporting the bottom of the bun, and the middle fingers spread evenly over the top. They said this provided a “firm grip that won’t crush the toppings”.
I’m not a burger fan but surely most UK burgers are so slim they would slide into an envelope and don’t need a specialist hand grip.
Besides, if you want convenience food that won’t fall part, forget burgers and buy a Greggs pasty. Easy to hold, easy to eat.
Then there was Northamptonshire County Council that offered an adult learning course called Meeting The Welfare Needs of Hamsters. You could sign up to learn from a rodent expert how to “plan a balanced diet” and assess the “social needs” of your hamster.
And there I was thinking all you needed was a packet of feed and a wheel.
That, apparently, is what other people thought, too, because no one registered for the course. Not even a hamster.
Finally, how about the Yorkshire burglar who broke out of Kirkham Open Prison in Lancashire and escaped back to the white rose county where he gave himself up.
He told Bradford Crown Court he couldn’t stand Kirkham prison because it was full of people from Lancashire and Liverpool. He got three months added to his 42 month sentence and was sent back to prison in his beloved Yorkshire – to Armley.
Kirkham Open Prison is a former RAF base that is set in a delightful part of the Fylde a few miles from Blackpool and has farms, gardens and a relaxed regime. Armley is a grim category B prison in Leeds where they used to hang people.
I bet those Lancashire lags are laughing their socks off.
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