The last thing death should be is embarrassing.

It’s the one trip we are all destined to make but the cost of dying keeps going up and families are left with the problem of ensuring a decent send-off for the dearly departed, even if they can’t afford it.

I mean, it’s not the sort of subject you raise in the immediate aftermath of someone popping their clogs.

“Have you seen the price of funerals? Instead of flowers, we’re having a whip-round and a raffle at the Dog and Duck afterwards.”

Actually the most embarrassing aspect when my chum Billy died was scattering his ashes.

Tommy, Kev and me undertook the duty one breezy morning, along the route of the favourite walk he used to wander with his Labrador.

It took a long time because there were a lot of ashes.

“By heck, Bill,” said Tommy, “I wish you hadn’t been such a big lad.

“By heck, Tommy,” I said. “I bet you wish you hadn’t worn suede shoes.”

According to insurance company Sun Life, the cost of a basic funeral has gone up by 90% in the last 10 years.

What used to cost £1,920 will now set you back £3,590. Then add on the extras. Which is why more people are getting a pauper’s funeral than ever before.

This is when relatives can’t afford to pay or the deceased has left no property or funds. The cost to the local authority for a pauper’s farewell is £950 and last year there were almost 38,000 of them.

Some families, desperate to do right by their kin, even turn to pay day loan firms to raise the cash, a course of action that would probably have Uncle Arthur turning in his grave.

Funeral directors I have met over the years, do a first class job in what can be trying circumstances and organise the whole event from start to finish.

They are also approachable and I am sure are mindful of financial strictures. If you ask, they will advise on how to cut back on costs without loss of dignity.

Mindful of rising prices, some companies offer bargain-priced funerals — check on the internet.

Independent funeral advice can also be obtained from the Natural Death Centre charity, on www.naturaldeath.org.uk

You could even organise it yourself with a burial in the back garden. There are conditions, of course: you must own the land, the body has to be two feet below the surface and in an area where it won’t contaminate water supplies.

“We buried great grandma near the begonias, in between Rover the dog and Tiddles the cat.” Which is nice.

Although you would have to notify new buyers if you sold the property, It’s one thing digging up the bones of a moggie whilst remodeling the flower beds, quite another to discover a human body.

“Is it medieval? Not dressed in Marks and Spencers, it’s not.”

Few people actually consider their own funerals. The young are immortal, the middle-aged still far enough away from the final curtain not to worry about it, and the elderly adopt a sanguine Doris Day attitude: Que sera, sera.

Personally, the cost of dying is far too much for me to contemplate at the moment.

I can’t afford it so I’ll put it off for a few years and, when the time does come, I shall leave instructions for my family to arrange a bargain basement cremation so I can leave more behind the bar.

Mind you, we could always have a whip round and a raffle as well, to make sure there are enough funds for a really memorable party.

“By heck, but it’s been a good do. He might be gone but he’s not forgotten. Cheers, our Derek.”