Many facets of modern life confuse me. I have never got to grips with texting, for instance. I suspect I don’t have the thumbs for it and I certainly can’t find any messages that are sent to me.

The other week, I hit a button by accident and discovered I had received a joke from my chum Wimps two years ago. He’s still telling it.

I have developed a certain fluency with parts of technology: I use a computer every day, for instance, and have four email accounts, am on Twitter and Facebook and have my own website and blog to which I rarely contribute.

But things still go wrong. Which is why I have a second computer as back-up. I may be a dinosaur in many areas but an internet connection is essential to my life.

Last week, my printer told me I was not using the correct brand of ink and went into sulk mode. After removing and replacing the same new cartridges in an attempt to fool it, the thing clanked to a halt and said it had a blockage.

It refused to respond to pleas or ministrations. I left it alone for an hour then sneaked back and tried again when it wasn’t looking, but still it wouldn’t work so I hit it with a hammer. It worked.

Amazing what you can achieve with brute force and ignorance.

One area in which I am an expert is the use of the remote control for my Virgin Tivo Box.

This is a device with which you can record three TV programmes at the same time whilst watching something entirely different, although I rarely find an evening when there are four simultaneous programmes worth watching.

Come to think of it, most nights you’re pushed to find anything worth watching. I still don’t know why I have a Tivo box.

Modern clothes make me smile and I sometimes wonder at the fashion sense of today’s youth, before remembering there was a time when I wore beads, flares and an Afghan hippy coat, man.

But it is the mundane parts of life that can be most puzzling and this week I was struck by two conundrums.

The first: where do mince pies go in the summer? They only appear in the shops three months in advance of Christmas. Could they share a seasonal hide-away with Cadbury’s Cream Eggs, that only appear in the months leading up to Easter?

The second: why are a choice of bread rolls sold at 45p each or four for £1? Why can’t the supermarket balance the offer with common sense?

Charge 30p each, for instance, and four for £1? Many times I have wanted two, but it seems silly paying 90p, when I can get an additional two for 10p, so I go for the deal and end up giving the extra to the birds.

Which is probably why I have a lot of feathered friends sitting around the back garden chattering away as they await feeding time.

“I like the ciabatta but the wholemeal roll takes some chewing.”

“Me, too. By the way, where do mince pies go in the summer?”