According to scientists, my bad back is because I am shaped like a chimpanzee.

A study into evolutionary biology by researchers in Canada, Scotland and Iceland analysed the vertebrae of chimpanzees, orangutans and ancient human skeletons. They concluded that people with lower back problems are more likely to have a spine similar in shape to the chimpanzee, our closest ape ancestor.

Their findings may help doctors predict who may be at risk of back problems. The giveaway to my GP was probably the way my knuckles dragged along the floor when I walked into his surgery. Sending me for an X-ray was a delight: the nurse had a heck of a job getting me down from the top of the machine.

Professor Mark Collard, of Aberdeen University said the skeletons provided information about how humans evolved to move on two rear legs.

“Our findings show that the vertebrae of humans with disc problems are closer in shape to those of our closest ape relatives, the chimpanzee, than are the vertebrae of humans without disc problems,” he said.

These individuals have a lesion called a Schmorl’s node – a small hernia which can occur in the disc between the vertebrae – which is thought to be linked to stress and strain on the lower back.

Professor Collard said: “Our study suggests that the pathological vertebrae of some people may be less well adapted for walking upright.”

Is this why my preferred position is prone on the settee watching Match of the Day whilst scratching in private places?

Does this explain an embarrassing inside leg measurement? Does this mean I will be able to get bananas and monkey nuts on prescription? Does this theory reinforce Darwin’s theory of evolution?

Years ago, when my daughter Siobhan was very young, she asked me where we came from and I explained that we evolved from apes.

When she asked her mother the same question, Maria said God made man and, because he was lonely, made him a companion called a woman and together they produced the human race.

“But dad says we evolved from apes,” she said.

“Ah yes,” said my wife. “He was talking about his side of the family.”

And now, it appears, science has shown her to be correct.