There is no more sadder sight than a row of blokes standing at the bar of a pub forwarding each other the latest jokes on their mobiles.
Heads down, fingers and thumbs working at speed. No chat, just shaking shoulders if they find it funny. And they’re often sending it to the bloke standing next to them.
Technology is to blame for society’s drift into virtual reality. What chance has the next generation got?
It is being weaned on mobile phones and iPads.
It wasn’t that long ago that university students complained they had such little money they were forced to live on a bag of chips a week and four pints a night in the union bar. Now a survey finds the average undergraduate owns £3,000 worth of smartphones, laptops and tablets.
Sara Newell, at student insurance company Endsleigh, said: “We’ve seen over the last few years that students are becoming more reliant upon portable gadgets such as tablets and smartphones. From watching films to interacting with friends, these devices allow students to work and play while on the move.”
How times change.
When I was a student my proudest possession was a fountain pen that was only to be used on special occasions.
Nowadays, wherever you go, people are immersed in the sort of personal technology that actually removes personal contact. In cafes and bus queues, heads are down and brains engaged with electronic devices. No-one interacts anymore.They live in a virtual reality.
“Can’t see you tonight. Staying in. I’m virtually washing my hair.”
Eventually, machines will take over the world and we won’t have to talk to anyone ever again. Couples will meet in virtual bars and cafes on the internet, fall for each other, have a worldwide web wedding and get a Twitter divorce when it doesn’t work out, having never met each other in the first place.
Which is where I see a niche market.
When it comes to the internet I am not totally at the back of the class and I am already a man of the cloth (denim, for preference) having been ordained twice by different online churches.
I am a priest of the Church of the Latter Day Dude, which bases its principles on the Jeff Bridges film The Big Lebowski with the creed: “Mellow out man.” And also of the Universal Life Church, which urges people to “do that which is right” and where my fellow ministers include Sharon Stone, Goldie Hawn and Sir Ian McKellen. I mix in good company.
This makes me a virtual clergyman and I am happy to officiate at any virtual wedding. Happy couples might easily get Jeff Bridges or Goldie Hawn turning up as their minister, but I have to be honest, it will probably be me.
Fees moderate, book early to avoid disappointment.
This time next year I’ll be a virtual millionaire.
