I have been reading that this week’s weather has been balmy with temperatures at record levels for November.
One forecaster said Bonfire Night would be hotter than Mexico.
Well, it would be if you stood close enough to the bonfire.
Unfortunately, good weather avoided Huddersfield where we have had drizzle, rain, the central heating turned up a notch and, most insidious of all, extensive fog.
Castle Hill is the compass in my mind when I take my morning walk, yet at the start of the week it was missing.
Good grief. If I went too far I could get lost and end up in strange lands, like Lancashire, and have the Mountain Rescue Team out looking for me.
Better to take a large ball of string, tie one end to the front door and follow it back when I got to the end.
This held two problems – someone with a dark sense of humour might unfasten the string and tie it to the door of a house I don’t know.
I would stumble back in the fog, exhausted, let myself in, stomp upstairs and take my clothes off, head to the bathroom for a shower and meet an unknown lady coming out in her underwear.
And that, your honour, is the case for the defence. The second difficulty is that I would need a back-pack the size of my mate Phil (who is large and round) in which to accommodate a ball of string long enough to take me any worthwhile distance.
Bother. I would trust to luck and do without. The next day Castle Hill was still missing and I wondered if the fog was a Government plot carried out by the National Centre of Atmospheric Science.
While we languished beneath the mist teams of excavators, carried here by Essex white van drivers, had been digging up our landmark and putting it onto a low-loader to be carried south where they don’t have hills.
I put out a warning on Facebook, just in case, asking everyone to be on the lookout for a large hill with a Jubilee Tower on top travelling down the M1.
And do you know, I think it worked. The next day, the fog lifted and Castle Hill was still there. The white van men had returned south, their plot rumbled, and our heritage was still intact.