SAT there in his Brit Insurance replica top and with a knotted handkerchief on his head to guard against the beating sun, the England fan resigned himself to the fact that this was going to be a long day.

Things had started badly when he had turned to the bloke next to him and asked to look at his programme.

It had left him with strained vocal chords and even then the fellow sat 100 yards away still hadn’t cottoned on to the fact that all he wanted was to have a quick run through the Pakistan team pen pictures.

Even on his way to the ground things had not looked good.

He had passed a forlorn looking chap sat on a cardboard box stuffed with what looked like books of raffle tickets.

As he got closer the little chap jumped up and in his best broken English said: “Meestar yoo wan buy 10,000 tickets for Test match?”

It wasn’t going to be a good day for the local touts either then!

Things had seemed a little brighter when England skipper Andrew Strauss won the toss and had confidently opted to bat.

However, there seemed to be a new spring in the step of the Pakistan bowling attack who found their rhythm quickly – probably aided by the fact that there was no longer any need to keep a close check on when the next no ball was due – and the chaps were five down before he could even think of opening his small pack of tuna and cucumber sandwiches for lunch.

But where were all the guys?!

Out in the Caribbean there had been dozens of them banging Red Stripe cans together, and at The WACA the colossal stands had reverberated to the sound of jubilant English voices singing in what passes for harmony when helped by a modicum of inebriation.

But while the Dubai International Cricket Stadium was certainly a fine ground it was simply an ocean of light blue bucket seats.

He quickly totted up the attendance. There were seven, possibly eight, but one chap kept wandering about so maybe he had counted him twice.

Anyway it hardly constituted an army and any thoughts of going barmy were tempered by the possibility of being led away to the United Arab Emirates version of the nut house.

He concluded that taking time off work to watch cricket in the Middle East might not have been the best of ideas!