THERE are times when you open your mouth and say something without thinking that you immediately regret.

“Oh look,” I said. “There’s a sale on at Ikea.”

I continued reading the newspaper but half an hour later Maria was standing in the doorway with her coat on.

“What?” I said.

“Well, you said it,” she said. “Why did you say it if you didn’t mean it?”

Mean it? I believe this is called female logic.

Now Ikea is not to everyone’s taste. In fact, our daughter Siobhan who lives in Ireland is happy that Donegal doesn’t have an Ikea. She views it as low cost twee. So do others of my acquaintance. I mean, how dare these Swedish designers come over here filling homes with furniture at prices no-one else can match?

Well, sorry, but I quite like Ikea. Not everything, of course, but the beauty – or danger – of an Ikea store is that you can go in the front door on Monday and still be lost on Wednesday. And no-one bothers you.

“Why are we going to Ikea?” I said, when we were halfway to Leeds. “We don’t need anything.”

“We don’t know that until we get there,” said my wife. More female logic. “Anyway, I want a new rug for the front room.”

“What’s wrong with the old one?”

“It’s old.”

“We've only had it 12 months.”

“I’ve gone off the colour.”

So we wandered around Ikea and looked at everything and there seemed very little in this so-called sale and no rugs that appealed to her, even at full price. Even the fur rug. So we came home. Almost.

“They have rugs at Dunelm Mill.”

So we went to Dunelm Mill which, as it happens, does a nice cappuccino.

Unfortunately Maria was on a mission and we went straight to the rugs, found one, wondered what size we needed, left to think about it, went home, thought about it and went back.

At last, I thought, picking up the rug and heading for the till. I even pass on the cappuccino.

“Where are you going?” said my wife.

“The till?”

“I need cushions, too. The ones we’ve got won’t match.”

Our front room now has the splash of colour Maria wanted with auxiliary splashes from umpteen cushions that have been lobbed about. It looks great, but then, I thought it looked great before.

But me and my wallet have learned a valuable lesson. Never mention there’s a sale on at Ikea.