IT used to be that the only decorating at Easter was done to real eggs that were then rolled down a hill or hidden for children to find.
Today’s youngsters would be unimpressed.
"You’ve done what? You’ve got me a boiled egg and painted it? And you’ve hidden it? Well good. It can stay hidden. Now how about nipping down to Sainsbury’s to get me a proper one made out of chocolate."
Of course, that was in the days when Easter was a religious festival – remember religion? – and was the most important Christian event of the year. It was celebrated by a visit to church in new clothes bought specially for Easter, or at the very least, a new bonnet.
These day, it’s more likely to be celebrated by a visit to B&Q for five rolls of wallpaper and a tin of emulsion, all in the name of St Dulux.
And how did eggs and an Easter Bunny get involved, in any case?
Well (and here comes the research bit), eggs have been a symbol of resurrection since Ancient Egyptian times, and Easter celebrates the Resurrection.
The Easter Bunny has its origins in pre-Christian fertility folklore. German immigrants took it to America, the nation that invented the modern Father Christmas, and which is always ready to develop a good marketing idea.
Before you knew it, they had the Easter Bunny leaving chocolate eggs and sweets for good children on Easter morning.
These days, wives and partners leave out paintbrushes and a set of step ladders as a hint to their other halves to get cracking on the back bedroom.
"I don’t know what anyone would say, if they saw it?"
"No one’s going to see it."
"But what if we invited someone to stay over?"
"Don’t."
Somehow logic never seems to win over female aspiration.
Actually, I have the front bedroom to start. I have to rip out the fitted cupboards that were installed by the same bloke who did the shelving in the Ark, paper, paint and lay a new floor.
Oh yes, and buy new furniture.
On second thoughts, I think I’ll undertake that alternative Easter activity. I’ll mow the grass for the first time this year. After that, my bad back will need resting on the sofa. You have to take things easy at my age.
