I HAVE a Facebook page. Yes, I know, someone with my face should be barred, but the internet is an equal opportunity medium when it comes to making a prat of yourself.
My first brush with Facebook came several years ago. Everyone was doing it and boasting they had 27,000 friends.
I didn’t have any, until a chum told his teenage daughter to take pity on me and be my friend.
Which was nice. Like inviting old Uncle Reg out once a year and then wondering what to do with him once you had him in the back of the car.
To save any further embarrassment, I lapsed.
I recently tried again and opened both a Facebook and a Twitter account.
Stephen Fry has zillions of followers on Twitter, enough to vote him in as the next Prime Minister, if he was thus inclined. So why not me?
Fry is exceptionally witty and spends his day meeting lots of interesting people about whom he writes brief but pertinent messages every 10 minutes.
I am not exceptionally witty and mainly spend my day with my wife and dog, hence I am not a compulsive Twitter. Which is probably why, so far, I have one follower. I’m obviously doing something wrong.
On Facebook, I don’t do much better. Maybe it really is the face?
And then, this week I was chuffed to receive an email saying umpteen people had been talking about me on this popular social networking site.
Not only that, but two of them had posted videos (I knew that night would come back to haunt me).
They sent the first line of these messages but to access the rest, I had to sign on to something called Questions and, by so doing, give access to all my personal information and email lists.
Hang on. Was this for real?
A quick look at some of the alleged messages showed it wasn’t. My brother-in-law Ian Lennon was supposed to have written: “I don’t think Denis is a sexy mama ...”
Which is a relief. Ian is a Leeds Rhinos fan and built like a prop forward.
And one young lady had allegedly penned: “I think Denis is ruggedly handsome.”
How wrong can they get?
One, I am not rugged; two, I am not handsome; and three, they sent it in the name of my daughter.
This is a scam aimed at the egos of the desperate to obtain email addresses and internet information. But, just for a moment, I thought the tide had turned. I thought I was popular.
Altogether now – ahhh, bless.
