EXCUSE me, beautiful blonde lady with the long legs, have you heard the one about the mushroom that walked into a pub?
The barman said: "I’m sorry, we don’t serve your kind here." And the mushroom said, "Why not? I’m a fungi."
Fancy a date?
Go on. Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
As chat-up lines go, this may not be among the best, but chaps should be prepared to brush up on their Peter Kay act in their pursuit of the fair sex.
A new study suggests it could improve their pulling power.
Kristofor McCarty from Northumbria University said: "A quick browse of lonely hearts ads will confirm that women look for a good sense of humour in a potential partner – our research may explain why this is the case.
"The findings provide evidence that women use humour as an indication of a guy’s intelligence.
"Intelligence is a very attractive quality as a clever man should be more able to provide resources for his offspring.
"But guys be warned: not just any gag will do. We discovered that the humour must be genuinely funny for the man to be judged as more intelligent."
In the study, men were asked to write a description of themselves. Men who used the funniest descriptions of themselves were thought to be significantly more intelligent than those who weren’t as witty.
Right then. So here goes:
Thirty-something trapped in an older body, ruggedly handsome with the light out, all my own hair and eager to tickle your fancy in unusual places (Brighouse, Slaithwaite, Cleckheaton). Keen sense of humour developed from years of having a 28-inch inside leg.