I’M a sucker for surveys, even when I know companies only do them for the publicity.
One of the latest was to discover the attributes that a girl looks for in her ideal man.
Mind you, I was puzzled that it had been commissioned, not by Mills and Boon or Janet Reger underwear, but Orangina, the international company that makes soft drinks.
Spokesman Steven Simpson explained the surprise results of the survey.
“We expected women to demand a sexy French accent and a tall frame.
“Instead, the boy next door has made a comeback in the popularity stakes, while the hunky jock is out of favour.”
For readers of a more civilised disposition, “hunky jock” infers a well muscled gentleman whose inclinations tend towards a physical challenge on the playing field, followed by an evening attending a dwarf throwing contest in a New Zealand pub, rather than a penchant for Friedrich Nietzsche.Š So Joey Barton (although not Scottish) makes it, then.
Anyway, 60% of the ladies who were asked, said what they looked for in an ideal chap was someone who was employed, dark haired, dependable, domesticated, good cook, romantic and with a sense of humour.
Whey-hey, I thought. I’m in here.
I’m working (this stuff doesn’t write itself), have dark hair (with a hint of silver), dependable (I’m in the pub every Monday night), domesticated (have you seen my kitchen extension?) and a good cook (the recipe for my chilli tomato breakfast sauce has been requested by fans as far away as China).
My soul remains romantic, although, these days, getting down on one knee means my wife has to help me back up again.
And sense of humour? Did you hear about the chap at Marsden who went home one night to find his wife doing the laundry with the washing machine propped up on one side with two house bricks.
“What’s tha doin’, you daft woman?” he said.
“You knows knowt,” she said. “I’m doing the washin' at 30 degrees.”
(Cue for laughter).
Unfortunately, the requirements for male perfection do not end there. The ladies’ preferred specimen is aged between 30 and 45 (well, I once was) and five foot 10 (I can always stand on a box). He should also have a creative side.
Did I mention my kitchen extension?
