DO you suffer from food spillage? I don’t mean dropping your shopping when you get off the bus or unload the car. I don’t mean knocking over a display of baked beans in Sainsbury’s.
I mean whilst preparing or eating the stuff.
I seem to have a natural aptitude for spilling everything. Open a tin of tomatoes? If I’m lucky, some juice will flop onto the kitchen work surface. If I’m unlucky, it will spatter all down my shirt.
A Sunday dinner is fraught with danger. It not only has peas, that can go anywhere like shrapnel, it has gravy that will without doubt find its way onto me at some time during the meal.
And let’s not talk about curry. Many years ago, I confided in this column, that I had special curry shirts - old ones that didn’t mind the vindaloo stains I would invariably get down them while eating a take-away.
My latest protagonist was a bag of jam donuts. Guess who won?
One bite with my elevenses and raspberry jam hit the middle of my T shirt as if I had been shot by a sniper.
I had a second donut in the afternoon and thought it couldn’t happen again. It did and a second T shirt went into the laundry bin.
Right. That was it. I was determined to change my habits. Turn over a new leaf for the sake of the planet. My sloppiness was probably melting at least one iceberg a week with all that extra washing with Daz.
So far, under my new eating regime, my shirts and trouser laps have remained spotless. But Maria still had a complaint.
“That new cloth I’ve just put on the dining room table,” she said. “You’ve stained it with a ring where you put your tea. Can’t you be less messy?”
