ON our Nile cruise we were sitting opposite Tony, a retired plumber, at mealtimes, and he regaled us with several stories about things that go wrong in the trade.

He recalled one occasion when his crew got a job to fit a bathroom radiator at 19 St Anne’s Drive. The owners would be out and the key was under the mat.

They got into the house and Tony drilled holes in the tiles to fit the radiator.

"I can’t find the boiler," his mate shouts up the stairs.

There wasn’t a boiler. There was no central heating in the house. It was, in fact the wrong house. They should have been at 19, St Anne’s CRESCENT.

It was just an amazing coincidence that both houses had keys under the mat.

Tony quickly filled the holes in the bathroom tiles and they beat a hasty retreat.

"The owner must have come home and sat on the loo and thought: "Why are there four holes in my bathroom tiles? They weren’t there this morning." I would have loved to have seen his face as he tried to puzzle it out."

A MAN calls in at his GP evening surgery. "Doctor, I think I’m a moth," he says. "You would have been better seeing a psychologist or even a lepidopterist," says the doctor. "Why did you choose me?"

"Your light was on," says the man.

A man is walking down the street with a fried egg on his head. "Why do you have a fried egg on your head?" asks a passer-by.

"Because boiled eggs roll off," says the man.