WERE you smacked as a child?

I’m thinking a tap on the bottom when, in your parents’ eyes, you’d done wrong?

My very mild-mannered mum recalled tapping me on the bottom just once. I’d taken her engagement ring outside to play and it’s not been seen since.

I got a smacked bottom and sent to my room but I don’t remember it.

What I do remember was my mum talking to me about the loss of her engagement ring afterwards.

I feel it highlights that a conversation had a longer lasting effect on me than a tap to my bottom and missing out on pudding for a day.

This subject was brought to the nation’s attention for debate recently when Scotland become the first part of the UK to introduce an outright ban on the physical punishment of children.

I agree with the effort to stop parents using any degree of violence towards their children.

To me it should be common sense not to hit out at anyone, save for self-defence, especially a child a fraction of our size.

Currently in England there are no smacking bans and parents are allowed to use ‘reasonable chastisement’ towards their children – but could face criminal charges if hitting a child so hard it leaves a mark, causes a bruise and so on.

Scottish parents could claim a defence of ‘justifiable assault’ when punishing their child, but that is expected to be removed from law and instead children will be given equal protection from assault that adults have.

And really, that’s what smacking is. It’s an assault. We have laws which mean if we assault someone we could face prosecution.

Just because we created, gave birth to or reared a child, it doesn’t mean we have the right to inflict pain on them.

What message does it send young and developing minds if we parents use even a minor degree of violence towards them?

As the mother of a two-year-old I see him learning what boundaries are daily.

And like all children he sometimes gets it wrong.

My son has been pushed by other children and he’s pushed them too, usually clumsily pushing them out of the way to get from A to B and done without awareness of harm caused.

I can see and feel his awkwardness when I lead him by the hand to make him say ‘sorry’ to whoever he’s pushed over.

Thankfully it’s happened only a few times, but children learn boundaries from a young age and we need to set the example while they’re young.

If my retaliation to him pushing and shoving was for me to push and shove then he’d learn that it’s ok to be physical to deal with that sort of behaviour.

If my retaliation to him hitting was for me to hit, he wouldn’t learn that hitting was bad.

I’ve heard parents say they’ve bitten their child to teach them not to bite and it’s worked. I feel uneasy about that.

I once heard a dad ask his son ‘if he wanted a smack?’ because he’d taken a book off my toddler in the library.

I told the dad I didn’t feel it was necessary and the book was quickly replaced by another.

Hopefully society has moved on for the better so those who do smack are in the minority and know they are.

The answer to bad behaviour isn’t bad behaviour.

I’m perhaps still a naive parent and yet to encounter behaviour that challenges me.

But all parents need to find the right way to discipline a child, not resort to a lazy shortcut of smacking.

I don’t have the answer; I feel parenting is often a ‘make it up as you go along’ experience. And I’d love to hear how other parents discipline a child without resorting to physical behaviour.