NOT yet in the Hogmanay spirit? Try some Scottish humour to limber you up for the the weekend.

6 DID you hear about the minister sharing a rail compartment with a Scot who was the worse for drink.

"You're drunk," said the minister.

"I'm drunk?" said the Scot. "You've got room to talk. You've got your collar on back to front."

6 HOW about the captain of the ferry boat to Arran who was concerned for the comfort of his passengers in the cold.

He called below decks: "Is there a mackintosh down there big enough to keep two young lassies warm?"

"No, skipper," came the reply. "But there's a MacPherson set to try."

6 THE local train stopped at a station long enough for passengers to stretch their legs.

Sniffing the pure, clean air an English passenger said to the guard: "Invigorating, isn't it?"

"No," said the guard. "Inverurie."

6 AFTER a battle with the Romans at Hadrian's Wall, Big John the Red said: "Why wis Boadicea no fightin' wi' us the day?"

And Wee Shug replied: "She wisna' Pict."

6 ENGLISHMAN: "Take away your mountains, glens and lochs, and what have you got?" Scotsman: "England."

(Boom, boom).