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Catherine Cawood's sassiest one-liners in Happy Valley series two

No one delivers sass like Sarah Lancashire — here are some of her best moments from Happy Valley's second series

After six weeks of unbearable tension, shocking plot twists and the welcome return of Calderdale's most kick-ass copper, Happy Valley series two has come to an end.

Sgt Catherine Cawood has won the hearts of viewers with her bravery, determination and impressive detective skills — but also because she swears like a trooper, isn't afraid to speak her mind and tells it like it is!

Series two of Happy Valley has delivered some fantastic one-liners from Sgt Cawood — here's a look at some of the best.

Catherine's sassiest one-liners:

"I'm going to strangle a few more prostitutes and stick some bottles where the sun don't shine."

Red Productions - Photographer: Ben Blackall Catherine Cawood (Sarah Lancashire) and Jodie Shackleton (Katherine Kelly)
Catherine Cawood (Sarah Lancashire) and Jodie Shackleton (Katherine Kelly)

Yeah, don't make Sarah a suspect, it doesn't bode well. Episode one saw Catherine having to find an alibi to clear her name from the enquiries into Lynn Dewhurst's murder — and Catherine didn't respond well to being accused, even if it was only a formality.

"Obviously I was trying to shoot him in the chesticles, not the family jewels."


Catherine on tricky Taser aiming issues. While rescuing abused women from traffickers, Catherine had to put her Taser training into action as a rather large bloke ran at her with a baseball bat. Only she still needs a bit a practice when it comes to aim...

"You just hear yourself talking w*nk. It's dripping from the ceiling and running down the walls. You need your wellies to get out."


Catherine's rather crude take on counselling. While it's clear she needs some help dealing with the severe trauma Tommy Lee Royce has inflicted on her family, Catherine is the type who chooses action, not words.

"It's not someone who lies about living on a narrowboat and pours petrol over you and kicks the living daylights out your grandmother."


Catherine on what does and doesn't make a good dad, there. Ryan's curiosity about his father and whether he should be forgiven came to a head when Catherine shut him down, insistent that he couldn't call Tommy Lee Royce 'Dad'.

"Semi-naked man at lunchtime in Sowerby Bridge? How could I stay away?"

Catherine (SARAH LANCASHIRE), Neil Ackroyd (CON O'NEILL)
Catherine (SARAH LANCASHIRE), Neil Ackroyd (CON O'NEILL)

Catherine on rubbish lunchtime jobs, before she knew it was a very drunk Neil. Neil's topless shrieking and general hysterics, having fallen well and truly off the bandwagon, brought some dark comedy to the penultimate episode, with Catherine dealing with him in her usual no-nonsense style.

"Man up princess, use your initiative!"


Catherine instructing Shafiq on how to lift a barely conscious woman. After finding Alyson blood-splattered next to her murdered son after a botched suicide attempt, Catherine wasted no time in telling her officer to get a move on.

"It's you who's deluded about this dangerous man because he's pretty."

Tommy Lee Royce (JAMES NORTON)
Tommy Lee Royce (JAMES NORTON)

Catherine on the strange allure of Tommy Lee Royce. While he's a psychopath, it's fair to say Tommy Lee Royce (James Norton) is easy on the eye... which was seemingly enough to brainwash Frances completely. Poor woman.

"You're just going to break your legs and make a mess."

John Wadsworth (KEVIN DOYLE), Catherine (SARAH LANCASHIRE)
John Wadsworth (KEVIN DOYLE), Catherine (SARAH LANCASHIRE)

Catherine's initial attempt at talking John down off the wall probably wasn't a line found in the manual. After realising John Wadsworth had killed Vicky Fleming and chasing him through the woods near Sowerby Bridge train station, Catherine tried to her best to talk John down... but it ended up being him giving the advice (he'd has the training, after all).

"So what are you going to do? Mess me record up before I've even started?"


Attempt number two at talking John down, this time with some Yorkshire humour. Catherine was in over her head, to be honest: she'd had the week from hell, and stood emotionally drained in the rain and the fog, moments after discovering her colleague was a murderer. As she shouted afterwards: "WHAT A SH*T WEEK!"


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