On the night of Sunday, July 10 it will have all come to a conclusion.

The hopes of all but one of 24 nations will have crashed and burned as the 2016 European Championships come to a close at the Stade de France.

It will be interesting to see if the newly expanded finals prove any more entertaining than the previous incarnations.

Let’s face it you had to be pretty rubbish not to have qualified – no apologies to the Scottish and Dutch fans – and with four third place finishers going through to the last 16 failure to reach the knockout rounds will be an equally fairly abject effort.

However, while other pundits will endeavour to tell you who will win, yet again I will take the far safer route of predicting what will definitely NOT happen over the next month or so.

Friday, June 10 (Paris) – The tournament kicks off in the Stade De France and in homage to their 1998 World Cup predecessors the Romanian side decide to all dye their hair blonde to mark the event as they returned to French soil in an international tournament.

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In their confusion at facing uniformly yellow haired rivals, France in turn pay homage to their World Cup team of 2002 by losing 1-0 to their underdog rivals in the opening game.

Monday, June 13 (Paris) – The Republic of Ireland make a flying start to the competition with victory over Sweden.

The Scandinavians are undone as star striker Zlatan Ibrahimovic fails to latch on to three or four great chances because he is too busy chatting to John O’Shea about what life is like playing at Old Trafford.

Tuesday, June 16 (Lens) – England lose to Wales after spurning the chance of a late equaliser from a free kick.

Skipper Wayne Rooney opts to play the ball wide to the flank rather than taking on what looked a good chance for a shot at goal.

England's Wayne Rooney celebrates scoring his side's second goal of the game and his 50th international goal during the UEFA European Qualifying match at Wembley Stadium, London. PRESS ASSOCIATION Photo. Picture date: Tuesday September 8, 2015. See PA story SOCCER England. Photo credit should read: Mike Egerton/PA Wire. RESTRICTIONS: Use subject to FA restrictions. Editorial use only. Commercial use only with prior written consent of the FA. No editing except cropping. Call +44 (0)1158 447447 or see www.paphotos.com/info/ for full restrictions and further information.

The captain leaves the field muttering something about never listening to Chris Robshaw’s advice ever again.

Monday, June 20 (Saint-Etienne) – An uninspiring goalless draw against Slovakia sees England bow out at the group stage for the second international tournament running.

The embarrassment of it all does not prevent a rash of post competition ‘autobiographies’ from members of Roy Hodgson’s squad.

Joey Barton yet again goes ballistic on Twitter, but even he is silenced by Rooney’s controversial decision to mark his retirement from international football by releasing a rap version of the 1980 No1 chart-topper by Stockport-based St Winifred’s School Choir’s ‘There’s No One Quite Like Grandma’.

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Thursday, June 30 (Marseilles) – The 500-1 outsiders for the tournament Albania pitch up at the Stade Velodrome to take on holders Spain.

Having finished second in Group A the Albanians face the Group D winners and are given no chance of progressing from the quarter-finals.

However, the supposed also-rans have shown that with their very capable keeper, rock solid defence, stern yet creative midfield and a mixture up front of one cutesy but lethal striker and a never-say-die fast and physical forward – plus an unshakeable team spirit and tremendous work ethic – that they can be a force to be reckoned with.

They duly beat a complacent Spanish side to take their place in the semi-finals.

Wednesday, July 6 (Lyon) – Portugal and their talismanic Madeiran-born striker Cristiano Ronaldo have made faultless progress.

Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo

As they prepare to face Albania the Real Madrid superstar predicts the Portuguese will reach the final and make amends for embarrassing defeat to Greece in the 2004 final in Lisbon.

Albania cruise through to the UEFA showpiece winning 3-1.

Thursday, July 7 (Marseilles) – After their initial slip up against Romania the hosts have recovered to find their feet, win their group and are now beginning to look like potential winners.

However, in the semi-finals France face a German side who have made mincemeat (which aptly goes well with a Bolognese sauce) of the Italians in the previous round.

It is suggested that the emotionally charged hosts may falter in front of the pragmatism of the German’s well-oiled machine.

Weirdly the head coach of the world champions Joachim Low becomes distracted when he misplaces his lucky underpants before the game, walks under a ladder and is passed by a black cat on his way to the dugout and, and with his team a goal down with 12 minutes to play, discovers that Miroslav Klose is not on the substitutes bench to save the day and completely loses the plot – and hosts France duly reach the final.

Sunday, July 10 (Paris) – France is in a ferment of feverish patriotic fervour as their proud squad are the biggest favourites ever to win an international trophy as they take on the underdogs Albania.

The final turns out to be one-sided rubbish as the hosts win 8-0.

What did you expect? We’re talking Albania not Leicester flippin’ City!