Denis: It's enough to spoil my tea
HAVE you noticed that when the sun shines and the temperatures begin to rise it is de rigeur for young men to strip off their shirts and parade their naked torsos around the streets of every town, village and city.
I don’t know about you, but this puts me off my tea.
Such nakedness was never meant for concrete that does not come in three foot strips and surrounds a swimming pool. Such nakedness is for beaches, holiday hotel pools and back gardens where acres of male nakedness will not scare the horses or children.
What is worse is when these gentlemen take their nudity inside pubs. On a busy sunny day when the heat encourages the quenching of thirst, the emanation of waves of stale and sweaty testosterone can strip paint and cause low ceiling joists to wilt.
Most establishments stipulate that shirts should be worn but this rule can be circumvented by the donning of sleeveless T shirts with baggy armholes. For someone of my stature whose nose is on a par with a taller chap’s armpit, such vests are potentially lethal. Stand too close when the wearer raises his arm to order another round and you can be hit by a knock out blow of body odour in all its pungent glory that scientists at Porton Down are still trying to replicate for use as a weapon of mass destruction.
Summer at least makes the wearing of shorts acceptable. Any kind of shorts on any kind of legs. There are no longer any rules that says shorts are only for the young or the stylish or the bronzed god.
White bony legs or fat hairy legs can be shown without fear of contravening a fashion code because there isn’t one. The rule these days seems to be that if you are comfortable in them, then wear them.
The upside of summer is that young ladies also make the most of the weather by wearing as little as possible to soak up the sun and allow the free circulation of the occasional seasonal breeze.
I used to work with a chap who used to spend his entire lunchtime on hot days strolling the streets of Huddersfield just for the view.
Strangely enough, I have no problems with ladies shedding bulky clothing – after all, they never go too far – and can think of nothing more stimulating on a hot day than trying to get served in a crowded all-female bar.
What? You think this is a sexist statement? Quite possibly politically incorrect? Not really.
Because ladies don’t sweat, do they? They only perspire.
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