IN a world where health and safety really sometimes does go mad it can be refreshing to visit a country that takes a, well, shall we say somewhat more relaxed approach.
We’ve just been to Spain and the three examples involved an inappropriately placed fire hydrant, the water boiler in our holiday home and a tree giving the phrase trunk road a whole new meaning.
First up the fire hydrant strategically placed slap bang in middle of the pavement.
They couldn’t have got it any more central if they’d measured it to the final millimetre. We noticed – or rather didn’t notice it – until one of our party walked straight into it. Shall we just say the top of the hydrant is just the wrong height for a gentleman to walk into and leave it at that. Apart, of course, from the howls of pain.
Who would put it there and why?
Just imagine the conversation between the workmen sent to install the hydrant.
Workman 1: “The water pipe we need to fix it to is right under the middle of the pavement.’’
Workman 2: “Oh no, that could be a problem. We may have to dig about 300mm to the side, lay a new pipe, fix it to the mains and then to our lovely new red hydrant.’’
Workman 1: “That sounds like quite a lot of extra work we hadn’t anticipated.’’
Workman 2: “Sure does and my wife has promised me pommes frites as soon as I get home tonight.’’
Workman 1: “You won’t want to be late then. Let’s just bang it right in the middle of the pavement.’’
Workman 2: “Yeah, why not. After all, no-one will notice it.’’
And then to the holiday home and its boiler. Every time British Gas comes to our house for the annual service of this, that and the other, we’re told health and safety has changed and our boiler no longer meets current legislation. Nothing to worry about. It’s just to let us know. Once we were told the boiler shouldn’t be in the airing cupboard in the bathroom as someone who had just had a bath may decide to open the door and touch the electrics.
The boiler should be in the kitchen, ideally close to the sink.
If something went badly wrong with the boiler I’d prefer it to be in the bathroom – a room I was unlikely to be in – and behind another door than next to me in the kitchen where it could blow my head off.
So I found the arrangement of water heater boiler in our Spanish holiday home handily placed above the clothes washing sink and a light switch and plug dangling just underneath it something of a health and safety faux pas. Even I’d be with British Gas on this one.
And the third was a tree growing out of a road.
Yes, a tree right there in the middle of the road. And not a small tree either. This one had been there for so many years I began to wonder if the tree had been there and when they built the roads on this holiday complex they couldn’t be bothered to cut it down and then go to all the hassle of getting rid of the stump they just built round it.
You can just see the claim to the insurance company.
“I’ve just hit a tree in the middle of the road and my car’s all bashed in at the front.’’
Insurance operator: “Had the tree fallen off a lorry?’’
“Er, no. It was growing there right out of the Tarmac. It’s a thick trunk so must have been there for donkey’s years.’’
Insurance operator: “Well why didn’t you see it then if it’s so big.’’
“Well, it was dark and I didn’t expect a tree to be growing out of the road. One minute the road seemed clear, the next I’m seconds from smashing into a trunk.’’
Insurance operator: “Well, if it’s a tree growing out of the road that’s a council matter. You’ll have to contact them and claim on their insurance.’’
“Hello, is that the council highways department?’’
Council official: “Yes, but there’s no-one here at the moment who can help you. What is it regarding?’’
“I’ve just hit a tree growing out of the middle of the road.’’
Council official: “Growing out of the middle of the road. A tree?’’
“That’s what I said.’’
“Well there’s loads of trees growing out of the middle of the road round here. You’ll need to contact your insurance company.’’
Come to think of it, perhaps Spain is more like England than I thought.