Oh, that’s hurting me says the male

Jul 22 2008 by Our Correspondent, Huddersfield Daily Examiner

NOW this may not come as a great surprise but research scientists at Harvard University have found that men and women have different types of brain.

No? Really? So that explains why they don’t understand the offside rule or why it is perfectly acceptable to bowl a maiden over.

Men and women, the scientists say, are equally intelligent but their brains are different in size and structure.

In men, the amygdala – the bit that controls emotions and sexual behaviour – is bigger.

Particularly after eight pints of strong lager, although it has to be said that while alcohol may increase romantic ambition it does absolutely nothing for performance.

In women, the hippocampus – which is used in short-term memory and spatial navigation – is bigger.

Which is why they never get lost when driving. They stop and ask for directions, a notion which is anathema to any red-blooded male whose pride can take him all the way to Blackpool when he really wanted to go to Bridlington. “I thought we’d come the scenic route.”

Scientists also discovered that women feel pain more than men.

Men have a pain-suppressing circuit that links their brain to their spinal cord. When the circuit is activated by pain endorphins are released and help lessen the feeling.

“Ooh, that hurts. Quick, release the endorphins.”

The circuit does not do this in women who, in consequence, are far more stoic when it comes to physical discomfort.

Which is illustrated by the fact that the female of the species will soldier on despite suffering from a heavy cold while the chap in her life will take to the settee in pyjamas, dressing gown and a duvet complaining of a terminal dose of man flu.

Men, as all women know, are soft.

They need those endorphins when they stub their toe while playing football, hit their thumb with a hammer or their head on the roof of the car when they find they have navigated themselves to Blackpool instead of Bridlington.

But women? They give birth. Without endorphins.

Now that is brave.

Me? I’d rather stub my toe, any time.