It's too late to stop my ageing!

Aug 5 2008 By Denis Kilcommons

SCIENTISTS at Stanford University in America may have found the secret of immortality. Or at least how to live a long time and still look good.

Hollywood stars may, as we speak, be banging on their doors demanding treatment.

Until now the accepted view is that ageing occurs through wear and tear. And looking at my body you would think it had been through an awful lot of wear and tear.

But these experts believe a gene in the body regulates the process.

If they are right future research may find a way of switching off the ageing gene. And stopping the signs of getting old.

Scientist Marc Tatar said: "The message of this research is that ageing can be slowed and managed by manipulating signalling circuits within cells."

Whey hey.

In the future you won’t be able to tell an 18-year-old blonde from her grandma.

Which could be mutually embarrassing if you are angling for a date and you are an octogenarian pretending to be the new kid on the block.

"Hang on," grandma might say. "Weren’t you in the class below me at Rawthorpe High?"

This breakthrough news is all very well but a bit late for me. What I need is research to reverse the ageing process so I can grow younger every day until I reach 38.

Which seems to me the perfect age to enjoy retirement.