Denis: Bad spelling, punctuation and grandma

Aug 29 2008 By Denis Kilcommons

PROOF, if needed, that not all students are clever clogs. The Times Higher Education has published a list of exam howlers culled from papers taken by the brightest and best in the land.

A literary student writing about the work of author Margaret Atwood said, "The Handmaid's Tale shows how patriarchy treats women as escape goats."

I’ve heard of the Wooden Horse and the tunnel Steve McQueen went down, but escape goats?

An economics student wrote that the failure of Northern Rock was due in part to the "laxative enforcement policies" of the regulator.

No wonder the company went down the pan.

Asked to outline the importance of the railway in 19th century Britain one said: "The railways were invented to take the weight off the motorways."

How clever to plan so far ahead.

Then there was the student who stated, "Bangkok's notorious girly bars attract businessmen and larger louts."

Only those over 18 stone allowed.

And the young person who noted, "The Loire valley inspired the chef to cook delicacies such as salmon, elves and lamprey."

No wonder there is a National Elf shortage.

Not to mention the frequent flyer one who had been particularly observant: "Air stewardesses step into the role of portraying their front region, as the job requires them to."

Does he mean what I think he means?

And finally, one with which many students will agree: "Control of infectious diseases is very important in case an academic breaks out."

And we wouldn’t want a mad professor on the rampage, would we?