Denis: Shy, retiring and up for it for a mere fifty quid

Dec 5 2008 by Our Correspondent, Huddersfield Daily Examiner

WHEN anybody retires from a top job, they seem to walk into consultancies worth a fortune and sign a book deal to reveal all.

Tony Blair’s memoirs are said to be worth £5m and Cherie apparently got a million for her autobiography.

Even Sarah Palin, the failed Republican vice presidential candidate, is reputed to be in line for $7m for her life story.

Which seems to be a lot of money to learn how to skin a moose.

Sir Ian Blair recently quit as Metropolitan Police Commissioner with a £1m pension and settlement package and the prospect of a book deal worth at the very least £150,000. Ah bless. That should soften the blow.

I have started wondering where I might fit in. If Tone can expect £5m and Sir Ian £150,000, what could I earn from a tell-all autobiography that lifts the lid on life at the Examiner and 35 years as a Huddersfield hack?

Think about it. I’ve met them all. Councillors and politicians (Barry Sheerman is a genuinely nice guy and Michael Foot once waved to me), personalities national and local (Quentin Crisp was a delight), popular singers (I nicknamed Vince Hill the Man With The Golden Glottis) and comedians (Ceddie Beaumont made me laugh so much I nearly bought a round).

That’s not to mention those hectic years as rock correspondent and late nights at Piggy Wood’s, Ivanhoe’s and the club down King Street whose name I’ve forgotten.

But most compelling of all would be the inside story of the Examiner from the hot metal days when the office was opposite the town hall.

Drama? We’ve had it aplenty. Characters? Enough to populate a shelf of Charles Dickens.

Oh, if those corridors and stationery cupboards could talk. If they could, they would tell tales of hard work, long hours, frequent visits to The Albert next door, and plenty of laughs.

Not much in the way of scandal, unfortunately, or back-stabbing or double-dealing or lying. But a lot of fun.

Somehow I don’t think fun will cut a book deal to rival Tone’s, but I’m still open to offers for this literary coup. Who will open the bidding at 50? That’s pounds, not pence.