Denis: Don’t call me love anymore

Mar 23 2009 By Denis Kilcommons

THE European Parliament has banned the terms "Miss" and "Mrs" in case they offend female MEPs.

Instead, females should be addressed by their full names. The ruling also applies to such titles as Madame and Mademoiselle, Frau and Fraulein and Senora and Senorita.

The name game is covered in a pamphlet, Gender-Neutral Language, that has been issued at the EU Parliament.

It means MEPs shouldn’t use words that imply the sexuality of someone – fireman is out, fire officer is in; sportsman is out, athlete is in. Get the idea? Statesman is out, political leader is in. Or pillock, depending on his or her ability and ego.

Unfortunately they can’t find alternatives for waiter or waitress so it is still okay for our Euro representatives to call for another bottle of wine on expenses without falling foul of their own rules.

Struan Stevenson, a Scottish Conservative MEP described the guidelines as "political correctness gone mad," but then you would expect someone to say that, if only for the headlines.

"We have seen the EU institutions try to ban the bagpipes and dictate the shape of bananas, but now they see determined to tell us which words we are entitled to use in our own language,’’ he said.

Now when it comes to bagpipes, a ban probably could be justified on the grounds that they are weapons of mass distortion. And it is true that the EU has passed some daft rules. Did you know that every pair of rubber boots must be supplied with a user’s manual in 12 languages?