Denis: I'll settle for a bowl of Betty's hotpot

Feb 22 2010 By Denis Kilcommons

The site adds: "Adrian Jacobs was impatient to publish and not wishing to re-write." So he employed an artist to do illustrations and it came out later that same year which smacks just a jot of self-publishing. Not exactly a best seller in W H Smiths.

Still, all those ideas, all that narrative.

Er, sorry. Willy the Wizard was a children’s book of 36 pages and Harry and the Goblet Of Fire is a book for young adults and runs to 640 pages.

Still, it’s had me looking into my old manuscripts for suitable plot lines that could make me a few quid. I mean, I once wrote a book about an old gangster and then 20-odd-years later, Michael Caine only goes and stars in Harry Brown. And that’s not to mention the similarity to Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. Could there be a touch of plagiarism here?

Are we talking millions? All right, I’ll accept a few thousand to settle out of court.

Then there was that short story I wrote about Leonardo Da Vinci, the Last Supper and Mary Magdalene that never got published. Do you think Dan Brown might have got wind of it and turned it into a multi million pound best seller? Without giving me the credit or any of the profits?

And last year I had this great idea for a story line about a bloke falling off a boat in Lake Windermere and drowning. For all I know, that chap I was talking to in the pub could have gone straight to Coronation Street. At the very least it should be worth a bowl of Betty’s hot pot and a guided tour of the Weatherfield cobbles.

Am I on to a winner, or what?

J K Rowling, for whom I have the greatest admiration, is applying to the high court to have the case against her dismissed for being without merit. I see what she means. On reflection, perhaps I’ll shelve my own writs for another day.