Denis Kilcommons: Kathleen’s a bit of a joker

Sep 6 2010 by Jane Yelland, Huddersfield Daily Examiner

KATHLEEN Parr of Marsh must have been inspired by my piece about Tim Vine, the comedian who is king of the one-liners and uses puns so much he went out on tour dressed in a cowboy outfit billed as The Punslinger.

She has sent me a load more:

 A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

 Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

 Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

 A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

 Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well red.

 When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

 In democracy your vote counts. In Feudalism your count votes.

 A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

 The man who fell into the upholstery machine is fully recovered.

 A lot of money is tainted: Taint yours and taint mine.

 A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

 A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

 Acupuncture is a jab well done.