Denis: Lions, tigers and directions

Sep 7 2010 Huddersfield Daily Examiner

I HAVE been feeling guilty for the last three weeks ever since I gave a big bloke in a Rover wrong directions on the outskirts of Liverpool.

It was a sunny Sunday and his family were in the car with him. I was returning home from Liverpool Airport and was on that huge and confusing roundabout at almost the start of the M62 when he lowered his window and shouted: “Which way to Knowsley?”

Trying to have a conversation through the passenger window while attempting to avoid trucks and negotiate the lanes, it never occurred to me to say: “Sorry, I’m not sure.”

Instead, I made it up on the spot, based on my one visit to Knowsley Safari Park 30 years ago.

“Follow me,” I said, with total authority. And the fool did.

I led him up the M62 and eventually signalled he should turn off. He gave me thumbs up and I rather think his little girl was smiling at the thought they would soon be driving though verdant pasture, past rhino and elephant.

Sadly, it would have taken the chap quite a while longer to find his destination as I had taken him the wrong way and pointed him in the wrong direction. All I was trying to do was help but I probably left him fuming and wondering whether I had acted out of malice or was just a prat.

My natural inclination was to be a good Samaritan, even if I wasn’t sure of the way but, to be honest, it’s not the first time I’ve done it in my urge to help.

At least I got him off that roundabout which is the sort of challenge that can maroon a nervous driver into going round in circles until the petrol runs out.

But I have learned my lesson and so should everyone else.

If you are lost, don’t ask me. I’m well meaning, but when it comes to directions, I’m a prat.