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Denis: In my wildest dreams

TRUST the Japanese to go where no one else has gone before: into people’s dreams. Read

Denis: It's been a hard day's night shirt

TONY from Meltham sent me a Christmas card with a special message inside: a newspaper cutting advertising nightshirts from Chums "The Menswear Specialists". Read

Denis: No way to counter the smoking habit

LET me state unequivocally that I hate cigarettes. But this latest idea of the Government’s to have them under the counter in shops sounds daft. Read

Denis: Why our house can be such an ice house

I JUST can’t understand some people. The weather is cold enough to worry a brass monkey and people are flocking to Lapland to stay in an ice hotel. Read

Denis: A gritty exit line

THE story about the navy diver who had his ashes put into a torpedo and sent out to sea to blow up during a naval exercise brought a smile to my face. Read

Denis: Techie glitch put me on back foot

I AM not the most computer literate of people, even though I use one every day. Read

A senior moment: Enjoying the Casuals’ approach

DAVE WALKER, 61, medical advisor to West Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service is a proud member of a cricket club with an even prouder history. The Almondbury Casuals is a refuge for the older cricketer with two left feet – a perfect combination for some senior moments ... Read

Denis: Whinges of a comic icon

LETTERS written by the late Kenneth Williams are to be auctioned. Read

Denis: My mates will sort it out for a mere £15m

I THOUGHT we had it bad when our washing machine packed up and we had to buy another one. Well, that was Maria’s Christmas present sorted. Read

Denis: Letter 'em have it

MY neighbour Bill received a letter from Government Gateway thanking him for registering. No, I didn’t know what it was, either. Read

Denis:Grotto best place to see Santa

BEWARE Lapland in the New Forest. Or anywhere, come to think of it, that isn’t in Lapland where they are, at least, guaranteed snow. Read

Denis: Mushy brain in kitchen

I THINK I’m going daft. There I was in the kitchen, considering how to heat up mushy peas. Read

Denis: Pausing and rewinding the good times

I PAUSED the film I was watching on television and went to make a cup of tea. Read

Denis: Shy, retiring and up for it for a mere fifty quid

WHEN anybody retires from a top job, they seem to walk into consultancies worth a fortune and sign a book deal to reveal all. Read

Denis: Have your dream ... and then bin it!

THE email told me I had won £1.5 million in the “end of the year British Lottery Award”. By heck, but that’s good timing. Just before Christmas. Read

Denis: Even pick ’n’ mix failed to seduce me

THE Wonder of Woolies passed me by. I was never a fan of the bargain high street store that was there well before pound shops. Read

Denis: Watch out for the killer kipper

WE were enjoying silly banter round the bar and Jamie said, “Can you think of three Scottish football teams that have a body part in their names.” Read

Denis: Hello, hello, hello ...

THE traffic policeman pulled over a car on Manchester Road at Linthwaite and said to the driver, “Excuse me sir, but do you know you’re driving without a rear light?” Read

Denis: Pop star’s life of Contrasts

OLD friend Bill Forbes enjoyed a night out in Halifax recently that revived memories of when he was a genuine pop star, appearing regularly alongside Cliff Richard, Marty Wilde and Billy Fury. Read