Read the latest comment from Denis Kilcommons

Home Views and Blogs Columnists Denis Kilcommons

Learn from Austria

GOOD old Austria. Taking a lead for once. Read

Regulars diagnose young man’s illness

I DON’T understand it. I’ve never sat in a baronial hall eating venison and throwing bones to the hounds by the fire. I don’t drink port and I haven’t had six wives. Read

Santa finds time to pen a little poetry

THIS is the time of year when Brian Morton of Milnsbridge develops a split personality. That is because Brian (and whisper this quietly so the children can’t hear) is really Santa Claus. Read

Mouths of babes...

A SMALL boy was sent to bed by his father. Read

Shredding identities, but not a bad back

I HAVE a shredder. It cost about £20 and sits next to my desk and I use it to shred any piece of paper or document that might conceivably be used against me by a criminal wishing to invade my bank account or steal my identity. Read

Betting on wife trouble

THIS chap was sitting at the kitchen table having his breakfast when his wife came up behind him and smacked him over the head with a frying pan. Read

Whatever happened to Madeleine?

I HAVE steered clear of making any comment on the tragic case of Madeleine McCann, the little girl who disappeared in Portugal in May. Read

Major panic at FA

THE new England football manager is Major General “Mad Harry” Harrison, the former chief of staff of the British Army. Read

Please Amy, save yourself

I HAVE a feeling of immense sadness for Amy Winehouse. Read

Children, dontcha luv ’em?

ARKWRIGHT wondered why one of his workers hadn’t called in with an explanation when he didn’t turn up for work one day. He dialled the man’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper. Read

Oh well, there’s always the next poll

MATT Damon, I see, was voted the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine in America. Read

Minister with a rubbish portfolio

I NEVER knew we had a Minister for Waste. Or rubbish, if you like. Read

Beware, tell-tale trays

THE houses down our road have been issued by the council with those green plastic trays containers in which you are supposed to put glass bottles and jars which will be collected once a fortnight. Read

How to survive the get-happy manuals

THIS Christmas the shops will be full of manuals advising women on how to live a happy life. Read

Making monkeys out of us

SCIENTISTS cloned Dolly the sheep in 1996. Eleven years later, they have successfully cloned embryos from a primate. Read

Why many wear a poppy with pride

I AM sometimes amazed in these days of political correctness that no one has yet attempted to ban the sale of poppies or, indeed, Remembrance Day itself. Read