Home Views and Blogs Columnists Denis Kilcommons

Denis: A matter of pronunciation

They were still arguing when they stopped for lunch in the town centre. As they stood at the counter, the husband asked the blonde employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ... very slowly?" Read

Denis: Saggy gussets the crutch of the issue

I THOUGHT the fashion had gone. Become passé and slipped into oblivion. I thought I had seen the rear end of it long ago but it seems to be back. Or perhaps it has only been slumbering, confined to private showings behind closed doors, until it gained enough of a cult following to burst forth again upon an unprepared public. Read

Expert view: Nutrition plays vital role in winning ways

Training regimes by our top athletes are becoming increasingly scientific – and paid dividends with a huge medal haul in Beijing. Nutrition plays its part, as DR CLIVE HUNT, Senior Lecturer in Nutrition, at the University of Huddersfield explains. Read

Denis: Lara shows a Liotta bottle

ONE news story I read recently really put a smile on my face. Read

Denis: Aussie board have the answers

A READER sent me this list of questions that were supposedly posted on the website of the Australian Tourist Board from potential visitors from around the world. Dumb questions but funny answers. Read

Denis:Flash bang wallop what a proton!

WELL, I’m still waiting for that big bang. The closest I got was when I asked Maria to guide me into a parking space. Read

Denis: Now it’s vertical stripes that make you look fatter

HORIZONTAL stripes, we are now told, make you look thinner. Read

Denis: Academy for abracadabra

SCHOOL children should be given lessons in magic, says a professor of psychology, to give them self confidence and improve their social skills. Read

It’s that Budweiser band on TV again; where’s the axe?

NEW rules from Ofcom means that at off-peak times a single TV advert could last as long as 12 minutes. Read

Denis: Wott’s the wurry about our inglish?

HANDWRITING is one of the most serious problems faced by officials marking school exam papers. Read

Denis: Happy days are here at last

IF at first you don’t succeed many people give up. Not Ramchandra Katuwal, though. Read

Denis: Beatles can relieve the blues

BEATLES songs could be used to relieve depression. Read

Denis: Beam me up to 42nd Street to see Scotty

ONE of Star Trek’s most popular characters was Scotty, the chief engineer of the Starship Enterprise. Read

Denis: If only we had a flood of cash for holidays

THE Great British public have been cancelling holidays abroad because of the state of their finances. Read

Denis: Let’s follow East Anglia

WELL done the powers that be in Wiverton, Norfolk, for putting up road signs in dialect. Read

Denis: Now start laughing

SCIENTISTS have found a comedy brain cell that responds to a good joke. Read

Denis: Come on you reds . . . but especially Ruairi

MY youngest grandson, one-year-old Ruairi, has red hair. Read

Welcome holiday thoughts to lift the autumn gloom

RAIN squalled outside and the grey sky hovered like a damp blanket. Then I opened my emails and was immediately cheered. Read

Denis: Ice Age? Welcome to the Age of the Rain

HERE we are, splashing into autumn, and wondering which day precisely it was that we had summer? Read

Denis: Who'd go to bed with a John Prescott

JOHN Prescott has been found abandoned in Travelodge hotel rooms all over the country. Read

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