Hilarie: I failed to pass on the shopping genes

May 16 2009 by Hilarie Stelfox, Huddersfield Daily Examiner

Hilarie: I failed to pass on the shopping genes

WE’RE in the bridal shop for Secondborn’s prom dress fitting and I’m beginning to regret going down the posh frock route as I’ve just discovered that there’s another £30 to pay for the alterations.

But she’s happy because the dress is just the right shade of gorgeous purple/blue that she wanted and the neckline is suitably demure without looking frumpy.

She doesn’t do the little Lolita look. In fact, she doesn’t normally wear dresses, or skirts, of any kind at all and would rather stay at home than look like a junior slapper.

Secondborn is having a prom dress because she is a conformist, not because it has given her any pleasure at all to shop for a gown to make her a prom princess.

The pleasure has been all mine.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” she says as I paw my way through the sample dresses, marvelling at the diamante detail and two-tone taffetas. “Just look at this one,” I say, stroking an olive green satin dress, covered in Swarovski crystals.

She, on the other hand, is maintaining a careful distance from the rails, in case she becomes contaminated by girlie-ness.

I start rifling through the wedding gowns, cooing over the ruching and lace bodices, but this is taking things too far. She pulls me away; “Oh, My, God,” she says, sounding like Janice from Friends. “I’m not getting married. I’m only 15.”

“Nearly 16,” I correct, as if this made any difference.

It’s having a strange effect on me, this visit to the bridal shop. I realise that the choosing of the prom dress is a rite of passage, as much for me as it is for The Girl.

We didn’t have prom dresses when I was school for the simple reason that we didn’t have proms.

My parents were spared the expense but also lost the opportunity to see their little girl transformed into a glamorous young woman. In the case of Secondborn it will definitely be for one night only because the next day she’ll be back in her jeans, T-shirt and skull-and-crossbones canvas shoes.

These days, with the steep drop-off in the number of weddings, the school prom may, in fact, be the only occasion parents get to view their daughters (and sons) dressed up to the nines.

For me, it has also been an opportunity to do some serious girlie shopping with Secondborn, who believes that shopping is only slightly less boring than the finer points of Spanish grammar. We normally buy her clothes from a catalogue because that way all she has to do is point at the pictures – no trying on, no tedious browsing, no going into town. From her point of view, no waste of time.

“I’m a disappointment to you. Aren’t I,” says Secondborn, who knows that I have a passionate love of fashion while she couldn’t be less interested. Quite clearly, I have failed to pass on the shopping genes.

But this, I tell her, is a terrible thing to say, because she has never been a disappointment, more of a challenge. And it matters not, anyway, because I have enough enthusiasm for the both of us.

“Next week,” I add, “we’ll be doing the shoe shops.”

And I can almost hear her sigh with resignation.

P Tell us what a school Prom adds up to for you and whether you think it’s worth every penny. Call Andy Hirst on 01484 437761 or email andrew.hirst@examiner.co.uk