John: Giving it up for Lent

Feb 25 2010 by John Avison, Huddersfield Daily Examiner

I’M not good with abstinence, ever since I realised it did not make the heart grow fonder.

Or was that absinthe?

Whatever, the idea that one should give something up for Lent has not figured prominently in my life since I shook off the dust of Sunday School aged 12.

Anyway, what are you supposed to give up? Something that you enjoy, or something that is bad for you?

It usually comes to the same thing, I suppose.

If we eat pancakes on Shrove Tuesday to clear the decks for five weeks of no eggs, no flour, no salt and no frying pans, what’s left?

This year was different. I’m conscious of being overweight and too fond of a nightly glass of wine or two, so I put two things in place: a two-mile brisk walk every morning before work and orange juice or soda water instead of an evening snifter.

Oh, and just to check that the sacrifices I was making were taking effect, a little dance on the bathroom scales each morning.

By the time I get to work I’m fired up like a Winter Olympic athlete – not a British one, one of the serious ones.

I can almost feel the calories burning off. I am a changed person.

When I get to bed I’m clear-headed, relaxed and ready for a proper sleep-through.

Well, we’re two weeks into Lent and I have to report that things are not going well.

Healthy living clearly doesn’t suit me.

I’ve had the bathroom scales to pieces to see if they are faulty.

I’ve checked my anorak to see if Pip is putting pebbles in my pockets.

No, it’s true: I’ve put four pounds on. How can this be?