Huddersfield Examiner - Columnists - John Avison

John Avison: My advice is careering off

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT

JUST before we start, I’d like to ask your advice: would you write ‘adviser’ or advisor’? Both are correct.

John Avison: Bonus balls

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT

THE Royal Bank of Scotland chief executive officer Stephen Hester yesterday went on Radio Four to explain why he turned down his monster bonus.

John Avison: What a waste

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT

MY morning constitutional takes me across a large tarmac car park next to woodland.

John: Battles with a conscience

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:00:00 GMT

WAR, much as we might say we abhor it, continues to fascinate.

John Avison: We are now recording artistes!

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

WE are recording artistes. This is not the royal ‘we’. This is Pete and me. You remember? The infamous band Jam To-morrow? No? Thought not.

John Avison: No fuel fool ...

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

CHAS Burnett is the friend of a friend and lives in Australia.

John: My memory stick mocks my achievements!

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

COMPUTERS and I are not best friends. The relationship I have with these complex but ultimately inanimate devices is love-hate, which I admit is a bit odd since a computer is nothing more or less than a tangle of electronic connections with some human interfaces like a keyboard for your fingers and a screen for your eyes.

John: Beware of Greeks bearing gossip

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

KEEP this in mind the next time you are about to repeat a rumour or spread gossip.

John: Fancy dress at Natalie’s birthday party, January 12, 2012

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

IT WAS fairly dark in Holmfirth Picturedrome last Saturday night, but I think I counted five Amy Winehouses.

John Avison: In the middle

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

THERE is a wonderful parable from Douglas Adams, author of Hitch-hikers’ Guide to the Galaxy, about why we have Kirklees Council.

John Avison: Plagued by doorstep sellers

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:00:00 GMT

AN Englishman's home is his castle. Within his walls, he may do pretty much as he pleases, without let or hindrance, it is said.

John Avison: The dangers of texting Christmas messages

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

YOU can’t get to see all your friends personally at Christmas so why not take advantage of modern technology and text them?

John Avison: Musing on our wonderful English language

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I HOPE it goes without saying that this column is written in modern English.

John Avison: Tyke version of the Christmas story, December 22, 2011

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

“BY ‘ECK, Joseph, how much further is it? These public transport donkey saddles en’t doing me rumpumples any good at all.”

John Avison: Lack of singers

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

WE were horribly disappointed when no little tykes came round at Halloween chanting ‘trick-or-treat’.

John Avison: For my I's only

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

I’M really getting into the modern communications advances.

John Avison: No treasure in MY junk

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

DO NOT, it says in the Bible, lay up for yourselves treasures on earth where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.

John Avison: For the good of Castle Hill

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

CASTLE Hill – by which I mean the whole hill, not the Victoria Tower or the disappeared pub – has been a bone of contention for 2,566 years.

John Avison: 12 days of Christmas

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

DOES it help to know that Auld Lang Syne means ‘old long since’?

John Avison: Politicians and entertainers

Huddersfield Examiner — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 00:00:00 GMT

WHAT persuades a human being it might be a good idea to be a politician?