John Helm: My Christmas wishes for the world of sport

THERE are a few things I could do with in this year’s Christmas stocking.

A voucher entitling me to free golf anywhere in the world, a magic potion guaranteed to extend what’s already been a wonderful life, and a new knee!

I’m going to get the last of those wishes – all being well – in February, the other two may be a touch fanciful.

Here are a few alphabetical ideas for presents that could go down well:

Alex Ferguson - a whistle so he can stop play whenever Manchester United are in the lead.

Birmingham City - a box of vertigo pills to offset the shock of being so high in the table

Chris Gayle - a bigger bat to ensure all those towering sixes clear the stands

Diego Maradona - a manual on press and public relations to be read before the World Cup finals

Europa League Trophy - to Roy Hodgson's Fulham – an unpretentious club run by a good guy

Fabio Capello - a mandate to ban all WAGs from travelling to South Africa this summer

Grimsby Town - a Football League survival kit. I’d hate to see the Mariners sink

Harry Redknapp - a cure for the twitch that distracts from every word he says on Match of the Day

India - prolonged success just to stop Australians crowing about being the world’s best cricket team

John Terry - the World Cup to hold aloft in July

Korea - a new language which would prevent all their top sports stars being called Kim, Lee or Park

Lee Westwood - a new trophy cabinet to show off his first major silverware