Wilf: A topping close shave

May 30 2009 By Wilf Lunn

I ONCE had to open a fete in Greenhead Park. I decided to use my firing tall top hat.

It had a ribbon round it which hung down like the undertakers of old. At the end of this ribbon was a concealed firing button.

With the hat loaded I set off carrying it to the park.

I stepped down the first step from my room and the firing button hit the step detonating the charge. The blast went up my right side just missing my face but taking the right half of my moustache with it leaving me looking like Salvador Dali with half a new red sun tan.

The left of my face was normal but the right was red and moustache-less. I reloaded the thing and opened the fete . Comments were made. I could have hidden away and regrown it but I was touring with Rolf Harris and Dana at the time. The make up girl had to recolour my face, cut hair from the back of my head which she made it into half a moustache and stuck it on. It kept falling off causing much amusement and retakes.

I got particularly fed up on the break when it kept falling in my drinks and more than once I nearly swallowed it. I could have ended up coughing up fur balls like the cat.