Wilf: Miss Evans’ old school approach to etiquette

Jul 4 2009 Huddersfield Daily Examiner

KATH Evans, Head Mistress Wentworth School, had studied Latin and Greek and was very keen on correct speech.

She was once heard to say, “I had a tweeny who spoke better than you”.

A tweeny was a maid that worked between stairs. Neither an upstairs nor downstairs maid.

She lived and behaved like an Edwardian lady. The school motto was ‘Manners Maketh Man’. She would get very annoyed if you said “pardon”. She would inform you it was more correct to say “eh”.

Servants never knocked on doors before entering. Kath said a warning knock implied whoever was in the room was up to no good.

We would have long discussions about the meaning of words such as cherub, putti or cupid.

Although she was an expert on language she was occasionally confused. She’d seen a word written on various walls and thinking it was rude was reluctant to ask what it meant. That was till I came along.

The graffiti she had seen was MUFC. She felt a bit silly when I told her it stood for Manchester United Football Club.

I said I had been similarly confused seeing written on derelict London houses LEB OFF. Till I found out it meant London Electricity Board Off.

When she was a child a lady I worked with had a similar problem with a word. She asked her mother, “What does confidential mean?”.

Her mother replied, “It’s something we don’t talk about”.

So she never mentioned it again thinking perhaps it was rude.

One day I received a postcard from a French vineyard inviting me to a private wine tasting.

I never drank wine but Kath said it sounded like a good idea. So the chap came along.

Kath provided some cheeses “to clear the palette”. The next thing I remember was waking up with an invoice pinned to my chest for crates of wine. Remember I didn’t drink wine normally. When the crates arrived

I said to Kath: “What am I going to do with all this wine?.

She said, “We’ll have a party”.

I asked her when she thought we should have it?

“Sunday morning,” she said

I invited various people who pointed out it was a strange time to have a party.

I said: “Miss Evans insists, come in the morning if you can, or later, I’m sure it’ll be alright”.

Big mistake. Kath was livid.

She said: “I’ve heard you are telling guests they can come later. What kind of people do you know ?”

I said: “It’s a funny time to have a party”.

“That’s as maybe,” she replied, “But when are the servants going to go to church?”

You know it had never crossed my mind.

The party was a huge success everybody turned up in the morning. It went on all day and into the night.

Every drop of the wine was drunk and I didn’t have a single glass.

Apparently no one gave a toss about what the servants were up to. They were never mentioned again.

Wentworth school hall had originally been built as a billiard room.

The room had a bog oak floor with a very high ceiling. Over the door was a stuffed moose head.

One morning Daisy, Kath’s mother, glanced in and went downstairs.

She said to Kath: “There’s really lovely shine on the hall floor”

Kath was puzzled, so she went to look. There was a lovely deep shine on the floor. It was flooded all over with six inches of water from the roof.