Wilf Lunn: How I invented patron saints, and the trouble it got me into

Oct 10 2009 by Wilf Lunn

I THINK our old church buildings should be maintained by the state. After all they are as much a part of our history as any stately home or palace.

On the other hand I object most strongly to commercial religious institutions making money from the beliefs of people.

To bring attention to this practice I make joke souvenir objects including reliquaries, which fascinate me. I see the bones of St Therese of Lisieux are on a world tour.

I had trouble with one of my spoof reliquaries on my very first appearance on Late Night Line Up with Joan Bakewell. I’d had a very ‘Good lunch’ and everything was going well until we got to my reliquary cycle. I had trouble saying “Reliquary”.

Joan tried to help me out by saying it for me. She couldn’t say it either.

The reliquary in question was one of my cycles at the time being exhibited in London. I got the idea from Magritte’s coffin version of David’s ‘Madam Recamier’.

Mine was of the one legged St Salio. The supposed relic was in the form of a leg shaped coffin. It was first exhibited at the opening of a hotel in Yarm.

Another exhibit was my ‘Corpulent Lady Cycle’ designed to combat the problem of large nylon covered thighs rubbing together thus generating static electricity which could of course set fire to the lady’s knickers.

This disaster was averted by an earthing chain on the saddle. The exhibit had a full title and explanation on a label below it. I gave it to Nannette Newman, the Fairy Liquid lady.

The label on another similar cycle with an earthing chain, simply said it was a ‘Hernia Cycle’.

The hotel manager for some reason had that label removed. This lack of a label only served to arouse the curiosity of a dowager lady guest. She collared me and asked what the cycle was.