“The risk is that you don’t want to ever have sex again. You don’t want to wear a bikini again. Anyway, you are only that for a year and then you are old news. I don’t know who it is right now - but it’s not me” - Actress Kate Beckinsale on the downside of being described as the sexiest woman alive in 2009.
“Who would have thought that the groping, shell-suited gargoyle could have possibly destroyed the mood of an entire nation at the same time as single-handedly nearly destroying the BBC?” - Entertainer and writer David Baddiel on the effect of the unearthing of the Jimmy Savile scandal.
“Gluttony and idleness are two of life’s great joys, but they are not honourable” - Commentator Julie Burchill, below.
“My name is Santa and my chimney is on fire” - Novelist Santa Montefiore unwittingly confused the fire brigade when she made a genuine 999 call .
“I don’t like myself so why should I want to see anyone else like me” - TV wildlife presenter Chris Packham, who plans to have no offspring of his own.
“The urge to strangle him can be very strong” - TV’s Clive James is no fan of Bruno Tonioli, the excitable Strictly Come Dancing judge.
“Thank god I am an atheist” - Writer Kathy Lette.
“I am damn delighted to have been given an OBE.” Cambridge don and TV presenter Mary Beard.