WOULD you buy 50ins TV that only had a 20ins picture?

What about buying a train ticket to Edinburgh that meant you had to get off at York and walk the rest?

Sounds simple doesn’t? Of course you wouldn’t.

You, like myself, are a person of sound mind and crisp reasoning.

But, dear reader, one of my colleagues is not so.

They have committed a heinous – and pointless – crime twice in the last two weeks.

That makes them a recidivist.

What is their infraction you ask. Well, they have set the office microwave to medium heat. Yes, MEDIUM heat.

I know not their identity but have to wonder at their mindset.

There’s a knob you can set the time with – it’s the biggest thing on the oven.

But no, rather than reduce the time, they’ve reduced the heat setting – and not put it back to ‘normal person’ setting.

Why on earth would a microwave have a medium heat setting?

Defost, I get. Warm I can just about stretch to. Full power, well you’ve got me cheering.

Medium heat. Surely at this point we just have to admit that some things are just pointless.

In one of his routines Welsh comic Rhod Gilbert talks of trying to buy a vacuum cleaner which has variable suction power.

He turns to the shop assistant and explains that yes, he is happy to leave some of the dirt in the carpet but would like to remove the larger pieces of detritis.

What next – a washing machine that gets out dog muck but leaves grass stains where they are?

What about the patented Andrew Jackson shower gel (which is in the very early stages of development) that works a treat on your upper body but leaves your lower portions looking like you’re Stig of the Dump?

Can we get Facebook to introduce a ‘I don’t mind them when I’m in a group but can’t be bothered with them when it’s just me’ button instead of the Like button?

Exactly. I couldn’t agree more.

Surely as we hurtle headlong through the 21st century we should be looking to simplify our complicated lives rather than add another layer of complexity?

Wasn’t technology meant to improve our lives?

According to the films in the 1960s we should all be living on the moon and playing lunar golf while robots busied themselves with the dirty business of doing ‘things’.

But here we are writing this in an office and you ..............(fill that bit in yourself.)

What went wrong?

I would answer that question, but I’ve got to go back to the microwave and warm my soup up!