WHAT do balloons, parrots, dogs, posts, doornails, lords and frogs have in common?
All are maligned by the British language for absolutely no reason at all.
Sayings have crept into everyday conversations and no-one thinks to challenge them. Millions of people use them every day yet they have absolutely no idea what they mean.
Perhaps you think I’m mad as a balloon. And that’s just it … one of them. What does that mean? How can balloons possibly be mad? Bad if they pop for no reason, yes, but mad, no.
Don’t we say sick as a parrot, deaf as a post, dead as a doornail, drunk as a lord and mad as a box of frogs.
A post doesn’t have hearing, a doornail was never alive, lots of lords live sober lives, parrots are rarely sick and frogs aren’t generally mad, even if they are in a box.
Where does such lyrical lunacy come from? Perhaps the parrot came from a sport journalist clutching for a word in the heat of the moment and could only think of his pet dangling in its cage at home alone. And so all parrots suddenly became sick. The more serious-minded may point an accusing finger towards the infectious parrot disease psittacosis that can cause a serious form of pneumonia in humans.
There’s others that stand the test of time and scrutiny so carry on using mad as a march hare, thick as two short planks, slippery as an eel, busy as a bee, as easy as falling off a log, like two peas in a pod, as blind as a bat, as big as a bus, as busy as a beaver, as calm as a millpond, as cold as ice, as clear as mud, as common as muck, as cool as a cucumber (remember to put it in a fridge first) as easy as ABC, flat as a pancake, hard as nails, hard as rock, high as a kite, free as a bird, innocent as a lamb, keen as mustard, light as a feather, quick as lightning, poor as a church mouse, slow as a snail, straight as an arrow and sweet as honey.
And that’s just for starters.
But use mad as a balloon and it makes you madder than a balloon could ever be.
