I MUST admit that much like the Olympic Torch, the Olympic opening ceremony had passed me by until it was almost upon us.
I was, and still am, one of those who thinks that London’s hosting of the Olympics is, in effect, a plughole in the sink of Britain which will see millions of pounds slosh down within the M25 while the rest of the country goes dry.
I know there are training camps around the country. I know that various nations are staying in various places with some of the Chinese squad staying in Leeds, for example
But in my heart of hearts I still believe that it will be London which reaps the big sums while the rest of the country’s local leaders put across the argument of some minor boost to the economy but a larger boost in terms of cache for being associated with the Olympics.
I would suggest the cache may be on their CVs and marketing websites that they may boast about but that doesn’t really help get the bins emptied and people’s wallets full in the cities, towns and villages they were elected to help and improve.
But that aside, I can’t change it this time, so I can either harp on about it (see above) or try to enjoy it (see the following)!
What do we know about the opening ceremony?
Well, the man behind Slumdog Millionaire and Trainspotting, Danny Boyle, is directing the whole shebang. It would be churlish of me to mention he directed a film called Millions which was one of the worst films I’ve ever seen, so I won’t ...
It’s going to cost £27m – which is a lot of wonga.
The ceremony will feature a rural scene, livestock as well as scenes from the industrial revolution plus there are going to be clouds above the stadium that will rain.
They’re not normal clouds. They’ve been booked to be there apparently.
I hope he’s got a receipt for them. If I’d hired him and he’d put ‘Cloud purchase’ on his expenses for an outdoor event in Britain I’d be having a word.
There was a run-through the other day with 60,000 people in the stadium – and canny Danny managed to persuade them to not reveal what the ceremony was all about.
The Burnley-born chap embraced social media with the stadium’s giant screens displaying #savethesurprise imploring people not to turn to Twitter and tell us all what it is.
However, I think I could have pieced it all together from the fragments above – but it is such a ludicrous flight of fancy that it couldn’t possibly be true.
Imagine a rain-lashed Britain. I’m sure you’re with me so far.
The English cricket team have just been battered by some foreign nation. I think you’re probably still with me.
We pan down to the rural landscape where farmers hug their cows and cry quietly into their udders. The shot widens and we see a chap in tweed with big sideburns throwing semi-skimmed down the drain while raising his fist at some huge industrial complex and shouting: “You can’t knock two pence off a litre!”
Either Danny Boyle has devised the most prescient Olympic opening ceremony ever or I’ve got it wrong.
However, did I mention he directed Millions?