A SURVEY from B&Q shows a third of men admit they discuss hi-tech kitchen gadgets in the pub with their chums.
This, apparently, is because of the trend for men to cook grows. And more than half of blokes between the ages of 18 and 34, it says, like a gadget to play with in the kitchen. And you can keep your innuendoes to yourself.
The survey doesn't make it clear but these are, obviously, blokes from down south where they tolerate that kind of thing.
Mind you, I do have one close friend who has a fondness for gastronomy that borders on obsession.
Kev the Sparky, a man’s man if ever there was one, who has a builder's bum to be proud of even though he is an electrician, can wax so lyrical about food preparation you will never be able to look another candle in the face again.
There you are, having a quiet pint, and someone says: “I had a great curry the other night” and Kev will slice into the conversation with the incision of a Heston Blumenthal paring knife and describe in detail how, the night before, he prepared quail consommé flavoured with celery in puff pastry, sirloin steak, Pont-Neuf French fries and Béarnaise sauce, with Pistachio cake with spice poached pear to follow.
“What about you?” he will say, nonchalantly.
Moi? I had sirloin steak a la Joan d'Arc with fait a la maison frites. Or, well done steak and chips.
Personally, I think too much is made of food. I can enjoy a good curry or chips or bacon buttie or roast dinner, but I rarely feel comfortable dining out and cannot understand gourmets getting into a hot sweat about the epicurean nuances of souffles and wines.
I'll settle for a Yorkshire pudding with gravy and a pint of bitter every time.
I mean, all it is, is fuel for the body so why make a song and dance about it?
Not that the basics should be ignored, which takes us back to the survey and the revelation that women spend over 1,000 days in the kitchen in an average lifetime. That's eight hours a week, preparing breakfast, lunch or dinner. Or, if you live in Yorkshire, breakfast, dinner and tea. Which means a chap needs to take great care choosing a partner.
The dangers of getting it wrong were illustrated by three men at the bar the over night who were discussing newly married life.
The first had married a girl from Essex.
“I told her to do the washing, ironing and cleaning and have my food on the table when I got in from the pub at seven. It took her two days until she got it right.”
The second chap had married a girl from Sussex.
He gave her the same orders and said the first day he didn't see any results but the second day he saw it was better. By the third day, he had clean clothes in his wardrobe, the house was clean and tidy, and he had a wonderful dinner waiting for him when he got home.
The third man said: “I married a lass from Yorkshire. I told her straight, you will keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done and have hot home-cooked food on the table for every meal.”
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he still didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich.
And he couldn't play with his gadget for two weeks.